The Birth of Sarah - Dad's view

This is the second of two stories. The first is the mummy's and the second is the daddy's.
Sarah was born on 2nd November  at 09.15 at home.

Sarah's mum - "Dev has just told me his ‘birth story’.  It’s somewhat shorter than mine and different and lovely."

Sarah's Dad - “I vividly remember Bethany arriving and her being lovely and friendly and reassuring and wanting a cup of tea which I made her.  I know Irena arrived at some point.  I remember you getting in the pool, or at least I think I do, maybe I’ve fabricated that.  I definitely remember you telling me off because I was trying to get everyone a drink and make sure they were OK and then you asked me to get in the pool so I got in.  Then I remember Irena saying you were doing well and calling you a ‘good woman’ which was a great expression.  I remember Emma made me a massive cup of tea and I remember thinking how chilled out this all was..... I was in the pool with a cup of tea and it was nice.

You asked to lean on me for a while and that was nice but I don’t know how long for.  And you had the gas and air but you didn’t seem to need it and I remember that you finished it and told them that it had run out but you didn’t really seem to need it.

Then I remember Irena looking in the water and saying that she could see the head and that surprised me because no one had said anything that made me think that that was about to happen and then I remember someone telling you to lean back so that the baby could come up and then you lent back and a baby appeared out of the water in front of you.  The water was fairly murky and I thought it was like primordial soup and that the baby was rising from the depths.  Then you picked her up and held her to you and cried.  I didn’t cry ‘because I’m all manly’!!  I remember she held my little finger though, and that made me cry, it still makes me very emotional.  I remember thinking she was grey.

I know I cut the cord but I don’t know when or where but it was easier than I expected and there were funny scissors.  I remember her being wrapped in a towel and I remember there was blood on the towel and I thought it would bother me but it didn’t and I cuddled her.

I think that’s about it.  I remember the emotion but not what happened.  I remember it was calm,
relaxed and joyful”

The Birth of Sarah - The mummy's story

This is the first of two stories. The first is the mummy's and the second is the daddy's.
Sarah was born on 2nd November  at 09.15 at home.

Sarah is our second child.  Ferdinand (our first child) was born in hospital, on labour ward, after my
waters went at home (no contractions) and there was meconium.  He arrived safe and sound after 21 hours of labour.  It wasn’t the experience I was hoping for mainly because I didn’t feel listened to.

I don’t want to dwell on Ferdinand’s birth but the labour actually progressed very quickly, until I became very dehydrated, my contractions stopped and I ended up needing medication to get them started again.  Ferdinand was born by forceps and I didn’t have good quality skin to skin, despite him
being fine.  I went on to develop bad post natal depression (requiring treatment under the mother and baby unit) which I felt was contributed to by the poor experience I had in hospital and I was keen to have a different, more personal experience with my second child.

I lied during my pregnancy, mainly about 2 things, and I’m glad I did.  The first thing I lied about was the ‘due date’.  In my first pregnancy the scan dates had predicted a ‘due date’ 7 days later than
what I worked it out to be by my periods.  Ferdinand was born 2 days after the scan due date (and 9 days after ‘my’ calculated ‘due date).  I remembered people beginning to comment that the baby was ‘still in there’ and talk of inductions from the due date, so this time I told everyone the ‘due date’ was a week later than my notes said.  Consequently everyone (including my mother, and I think, by the end of the pregnancy, my husband) believed that I was having a Halloween baby.  I’m glad I did fib as I wasn’t bothered when I went past my ‘due date’ and other people didn’t start worrying until a week later.  Obviously the midwives  knew the true date but they also knew it was a secret and understood that I would not be interested in ‘getting things going’ before my body was ready.  As it happened Sarah turned up 9 days after my due date too, so I obviously just cook babies for 41 weeks and 2 days.

The second thing I lied about was that I was planning a home birth.  It was a lie of omission mainly but we decided it was no one else’s business and I personally didn’t want all the ‘oh, I wouldn’t want
to risk that’ etc etc etc nonsense.   Again, I’m very glad we didn’t tell people; we have thoroughly enjoyed sharing the news after the event and been surprised by how many people are positive about the idea.  Those that are less positive have been immediately silenced by the great experience we had.
Halloween came and went and on the 1st of November we got a baby sitter and went on a story telling walk round the local park.  It was a leisurely 1 hour stroll with professional story tellers telling ghost stories.  I joke that they scared the baby out of me but in truth I think the walk helped.  I also knew which midwives were on call and I was totally happy with the ones that were on over that weekend.

We went home at about 10pm and went to bed.  Dev (my husband) was sleeping in the spare room as I found it impossible to sleep without taking up the whole of our bed (rolling over was not elegant).

At about 1am I woke up.  I lay for a while and felt an intermittent burning sensation in my lower tummy.  I had the weird feeling that it had been going on for quite some time while I was asleep.  I was too excited to go back to sleep so I lay and read the entire BBC news website.  I couldn’t really time the contractions as they were too irregular.  About 6 in 20 minutes but I could get 2 in 2 minutes and then none for ages and the intensity was equally irregular.  Nothing really changed but I thought I’d ring and get the number for the midwife on call so I was ‘ready’.  I rang the birth centre and was told I had to speak to labour ward (I later found out that the birth centre was closed all weekend due to staff shortages).  I spoke to a midwife and explained what was going on.  She didn’t seem particularly interested and (I know this is awful) when I had a tightening in my tummy I consciously decided not to talk through it!  At that point she ended the conversation saying she would speak to the midwife on call, Bethany, and get her to ring me.  I felt awful as I genuinely didn’t feel I needed to disturb her, yet.  Bethany rang back and I apologised and explained that I didn’t really need her yet and I had just been trying to get the number in preparation.  Bethany still talked through things and the refreshing thing was that even though I hadn’t actually met Bethany she knew all about me (I had heard a lot about her and knew that she was the ‘hypnobirthing’ midwife).

She asked what I wanted to do.  I said I wanted to go and do some hypno and that I wasn’t sure if I
should wake Dev to fill the pool or not.  Bethany advised that I wake Dev and ring her back in an hour or so or whenever I felt I wanted to.

I woke Dev and he started getting the sitting room ready.  I went back to bed and listened to my hypno tracks.  I can honestly say I have never got into such a deep hypno state as I did then and it
was fabulous...... I think I’d still be there now if Bethany hadn’t rung back at about 5.30am.  She explained that she was up and dressed and I agreed that she could pop round and see me (so she knew nothing was going on and then she could go back to bed).  

Bethany arrived about 30 minutes later and came up to our bedroom.  She talked to us and agreed that things were starting but I was not in active labour.  She was also adamant that she thought I’d labour quickly when things did get going.  She said that she would like to write her notes in the kitchen and suggested that both Dev and I went back to bed for a sleep.  We did this but about 20 minutes later I kicked Dev out of bed and told him to go and tell Bethany that I would want the gas and air at some point but that I didn’t want it now (I’m dreadful at trying to get things organised in these situations!).  Bethany came back up to talk to be again and by the time she got up the stairs I wasn’t happy to sit still through a contraction.  They weren’t bad and I still didn’t think things were really happening but I needed to be on all fours for them.  It was lovely that Bethany was genuinely excited that things were progressing but I still thought it would be a while.  We agreed that Bethany could examine me (so that we knew I wasn’t in proper labour) and then could go home.  We discussed that I was anxious that my membranes not be broken during the examination.  She examined me at 7am and was very gentle.  She found I was 3cm but was even more sure that things would suddenly start.  She suggested that I lay down and did some more hypno.

At some point we’d texted Zoe, the friend that had agreed to take Ferdinand to her house, and she was getting herself sorted.  Dev had rung Emma (a doula) who was on her way over and Bethany had rung the second Midwife, Clare, and the day midwife (due to take over at 8), Irena.  At about 06.30 Ferdinand had woken up as usual and Dev had gone and got him dressed.  I was fairly oblivious to everything that thing were happening by this time and everyone was just doing what needed to be done.

At 7.10am I suddenly decided I wanted to go downstairs.   When I stood up I found that I had to wait until the contraction had passed before walking, although they still weren’t bad or painful, and I had to dash downstairs as I didn’t want to have one on the stairs.  By the time I got down stairs I was adamant I wanted to get in the pool immediately as things had suddenly become much more intense. Painful is the wrong word, I just needed to really focus.  Unfortunately, Dev had filled the pool with very hot water (thinking that it could just cool and would probably be exactly the right temperature by the time I wanted to get in!), consequently the midwives were taking buckets of water out of the pool and adding cold.....It was infuriating that it was too hot!  I knelt leaning on a table; then the gas and air arrived (and I started using it); Emma arrived (and I asked her to just PLEASE get the temperature in the pool cooler so I could get in); Clare arrived and Zoe walked in immediately after her, followed by Irena.  Zoe started getting Ferdinand’s stuff together and the pool got to the right temperature (it was a hectic few minutes).  I then told the midwives that I wanted to put my bikini bottoms on.  Bethany questioned this and asked if I meant bikini top.  I explained no, I meant bottoms and that I realised this was odd but to make it even odder I was going to the loo to put them on as I didn’t want anyone to see my ‘bits’.  The midwives laughed and asked if I knew what was going to happen but I was adamant.  I still don’t know why!

I went to the loo, put my bikini on and came back and got straight in the pool.  I promptly started crying very quietly.  I have no idea why, I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t particularly relieved, and I was just crying and could do nothing about it.  I didn’t think anyone had noticed until Emma gave me a tissue and then as suddenly as it had started, I stopped crying.

Ferdinand came in to say goodbye (he’d decided he wanted to go to Zoe’s house rather than stay mainly because she had said he could watch Pepper Pig which we never have on!).  He asked if he could get in the pool with me but when we said no he decided he’d stick to his plan and go.  He gave
me a hug and a kiss and skipped off down the road with Zoe.

Then things all calmed down.  Dev had put the fairly lights in the sitting room and they were on.  My hypno music was playing, the curtains were drawn and it was lovely.  Dev was still doing jobs (like
getting people tea) which is one of his coping mechanisms and it was driving me potty as I just wanted him there with me, so I asked him to get in the pool with me which he did.  I think I spent most of the rest of the time with my arms round his neck, leaning on him with my head over his shoulder and the gas and air there.

Emma was regularly there between contractions with a drink and a straw and the midwives listened in to the baby between each contraction.  Clare dropped the Doppler in the pool at one point and it stopped working but they had a spare.  The pool was so big (because I had the larger one because I’m tall) that Clare couldn’t always reach me to hear the baby’s heart so I’d have to shuffle over to her. At one point it was just too much hassle so I took the probe off her and stuck it on my tummy myself so I didn’t have to move, by luck I got it in the right place!

Emma took loads of photos but we also had an old phone (with no sim card) set up on the mantel piece with a time lapse app which took a photo every minute.  You can’t see any of the ‘business end’ or much detail but it gives a lovely summary of the comings, goings and happenings (there’s even a lovely picture of Ferdinand saying goodbye to me).  No one took any notice of it which is lovely.

At one point the gas and air ran out but they had a spare cylinder and quickly changed it over and called for more (which arrived just after Sarah was born).

Bethany left at about 8 because she had to go and get some sleep as she was working another shift that afternoon but Clare asked if I wanted her to stay.  I said I didn’t mind and she kindly stayed on with Irena rather than call another midwife out.

At some point I realised that I could feel the baby moving down inside me and that my body was pushing her out.  There was nothing at all I could do about it, it was just happening but I remember thinking that no one knew it was happening; no one knew the baby was coming and that my body was pushing her out all by itself.  I actually thought ‘I know something you don’t know!’.  It made me feel so in control.  I felt powerful, beautiful (I’ve seen the photos.... I didn’t look it) and amazing.

Eventually it did become evident to everyone that I was pushing, I just needed to sort of growl I think.  I said to Dev to remind me not to push (because with hypnobirthing you don’t ‘push’, you
‘breathe the baby down’) as the urge was so strong I couldn’t help it.  I remember Irena not really understanding what I meant and saying ‘don’t be daft woman, push!’  At one point I felt a sort of pop (I actually thought some part of me had torn) but Irena told me it was my waters going (about 3 minutes before Sarah was born.).

Then there was the ring of fire!  I remember saying to Irena, ‘it’s crowning isn’t it?’ and Dev tells me Irena’s face was an absolute picture as she thought the baby wasn’t really crowning but didn’t want to disappoint/scare me.  She ended up saying ‘well, nearly, getting there’ or something.  A couple of contractions later I said she’s coming and again Irena said something like ‘we’re getting there’.  I
remember saying to Dev, ‘the baby will be here with the next one’.  I just couldn’t fight the urge to push. It was so strong there was nothing on this planet that was going to keep that baby in there.

Apparently (from what they could see on the mirror) she really went from not really crowning to being out in one push.

The contraction came and I leant back (off Dev) and at 9.15am she came up in front of me and I lifted her out of the water.  Dev was next to me.  It was totally mind blowing.  I was just amazed.

She was very purple (because of the speed).  There was a little bleeding and I think Irena was worried I may have torn badly because of the speed so asked me to get out (in the end I had a little 2nd degree tear that she  stitched in my bedroom with the gas and air after a shower).  I lay on the sofa and cuddled Sarah for a while, I tried to feed but she didn’t fancy it immediately.  Eventually I began to feel uncomfortable (just the wrong position) so Dev cut the cord and I passed the baby to Clare so I could stand up.  I knelt down by the sofa and Irena said she wanted to talk about options as the placenta hadn’t come and it had been almost an hour.  Before she could start talking I felt the urge to push again and the placenta was out.  Clare weighed and measured Sarah (4.4kg and 59cm!) and then gave her back.

We then had champagne and bacon butties made by Emma.  Then I went upstairs for a lovely hot shower (Irena stayed with me as I like it really hot!) and when I got out Dev was in our room, on the bed, with dimmed lights, and Sarah in his arms.  Irena then told me that there had been meconium in my waters (old, the same as when I had had Ferdinand) and that this meant protocol said I should go to hospital to be monitored.  She also said that she knew this was one of my fears and that she had been watching Sarah closely and was happy that she was fine.  We agreed that we would keep watching her and Irena would return that evening and in the morning to recheck Sarah’s observations (as from my experience with Ferdinand, this was more monitoring than he got!).

The pool was emptied down a drain outside the front door and when Dev popped out to show Emma where it was the neighbour (we live in a semi detached house) asked what we had had as she knew the baby was born at 9.15am.  She said she hadn’t heard me, but there was a cheer when the baby was born!

We spent the next few hours in bed getting to know Sarah and feeding her.  Everything was tidied away and people left without us really noticing.  It was lovely.

At about 4pm we rang Zoe to see how Ferdinand was (we had already let her know the baby had arrived but she had volunteered to keep him a bit longer.).  Ferdinand heard Sarah cry on the phone and asked if that was his little brother or sister.  When he was told yes, he apparently literally jumped for joy and couldn’t get his shoes on quick enough to come and meet her.   Dev went to get him and I popped Sarah in her Moses basket so I could greet him.  He came in, totally ignored me and went straight to stroke her head.  Then he asked, ‘are you a girl? Are you OK? Can you talk yet?’ It was a brilliant moment that I will cherish forever.

Sarah was checked the next day and was fine.  We are very much enjoying being a family of 4.  I can’t recommend homebirth enough.  I would do it again tomorrow and the only thing I’d change is that it was over a bit too quickly!!!

Positive but complicated experience of birth

so....Thursday evening was my due date, I went to the theatre and spent some time with friends, and then to sleep. At 2.40 in the night I felt warm water so jumped out of bed and woke my husband A. I ran to toilet, there was more water coming. I rang the homebirth team, M was on call. She was a bit worried I had some blood coming and no contractions so sent me to check in triage. we arrived at Womens, and while we were walking low contractions started. we had to wait and wait there, and I felt so hot in that hospital and just wanted to take some comfortable position on my yoga ball. finally they took me in and attached me to monitor with two wires for half an hour. baby's heart beat was fine, and my contractions were now coming every 5min. nurse asked me to do vaginal exam, and that was so painful. she said I am 3cm open. we wanted to go home, but she said I have to talk to a doctor..

then one lady doctor came and I didnt like her approach at all. she said "I see you want homebirth, but I am not happy with your test and you are not in active labour". when I asked her to explain me why is she not happy, she said "what do you mean why am I not happy, I am just not happy." she then said I can stay attached to monitor and lie on the bed. No way! I was standing all half an hour and I wanted to kneel. she said I can walk to the door and back and in the morning they will do induction. I got really angry. I asked her to leave me with my husband to talk. I told him that I hate this room and bed and bright lights and that I don't want all of this, and I am mentally prepared for home birth and I just want to go home. So we signed papers that we are leaving and left. In the car I said "Ok, I will get my anger out in next two minutes and then I will start with positive thoughts again." he laughed while I was yelling how I don't like people treating me like that. 

At home I felt much better, I had banana and yogurt, my music, essential oils and candles. I had contractions every five minutes and I was drawing my poster with positive thoughts and cervix opening in colours. I felt really positive and relaxed. 

Midwife A was on call that day, she called me and she was listening my breathing and contractions. she came very soon with Midwife K, I don't even know what time it was, maybe 9 in the morning. during all of this, I lost sense of time. 

My husband made tea, we were eating biscuites and joking but every now and then I had another contraction. it was amazing to experience how nature is completely taking control over my mind and body, and I just had to surrender. The pain was like stronger period pain, and now I am so grateful I had painful periods my whole life cause it prepared me for giving birth. I was breathing on all fours and making that "horse sound" with my lips, that helped a lot. my husband was holding me and whispering in my ears. during last month of my pregnancy I made him practice labor massage, but now I just didnt want any touch on my back. I prefered gentle stroke on my hair, that was like little distraction.

The contractions became stronger and stronger, with no breaks to rest. I asked for my song that I was singing every morning after yoga and breathing, I was singing in labor and again that helped. When I thought I can't make it, I would look in A's eyes and at Midwife A's smile. Her smile was the most encouraging thing, and she always said "you are doing so great, you are doing so good."

I was very hungry, but felt too sick to eat. Because I was loosing energy, they gave me food, but then I vomited. Again, after contraction was gone, the pain was gone again and I again felt hungry. very strange feeling. :-)

Then the need for pushing came, I just felt it like big need to empty my bowls. I felt a bit ashamed, but I told that to Midwife A and she told me not to worry. she called another midwife. 

All 3 of them were so unobtrusive, but I felt their presence. They were checking babies heart beat and my pulse, but I felt I am going in my head in some other world and that feeling was so powerful.

Only problem was that this need for push would come and go. and then I had to wait for it to come again. and that waiting was bad. I just wanted to push him out, I could feel his head coming down and then after the need was gone, his head would go up again.. I was becoming impatient and stressed, thinking 'what is wrong?'. I didn't like the breaks. Midwife A was suggesting change of position, so I went from kneeling on all fours in my husband's lap to standing. A was reading me affirmations from hypnobirthing and that also helped. Midwife A gave me a little mirror so I was able to see his head and even touch it.

In the end, I gave birth on my left side, Midwife A was holding my leg so that I can push. He came out and started crying immediately. Midwife A put him on my breast and he started sucking my nipple. it was amazing feeling. A was stroking him and I just felt all the pain is gone. he was born at 2.40, exactly 12 hours after my water broke. he was 4kilos, everybody was surprised he is such a big baby, cause my belly was small. I was so happy to be surrounded by love and peace. 

Finally I was able to eat so I enjoyed my jaffa cakes and just looking at our baby. I knew that third stage is coming, but I didnt feel any need to push anymore. It all felt to me like 10min, but later on they said it was 40 minutes. I saw Alice is worried, although she turned her face into smile every time I looked at her. She was trying to put me in better position, but my knees were shaking. A cut the cord,  placenta came only half and she gave me some syntocin, she was pulling placenta slowly, and a lot of blood came with it. She had to do two stitches, she gave me an injection, but I was just breathing and looking at the baby. It all looked fine and I was very positive and full of love.

Sadly, seems like I was still bleeding and suddenly I heard music in my head and started fainting. They called me and Midwife A said we should call the ambulance. My husband got scared cause my face was yellow. But I kept on smiling and holding my baby and that was only important. 

I just remember I was very hungry and very cold, but no negative feeling or fear. The ambulance came, they were all lovely, they took me in the van but allowed me to hold the baby during the whole journey. Midwife A was with me, we were talking and I felt safe because of her positive attitude. 

In hospital they gave me gas and air to do the vaginal examination. that was so painful and horrible. I felt like I am on drugs, not aware of things, but I could still feel the pain. I started laughing and yelling, and I was just repeating how glad I am I didnt take any drugs during giving birth cause I wanted to be aware of every sensation. 

I was also repeating how bad it would be for me if I had to give birth in that room with bright lights and that hospital smell.

So....in the end....we spent the night in the hospital, I had two amazing nurses checking me all the time and answering all of my questions. I was hungry all the time, but they didnt allow me to eat, just in case I bled more. They gave me a transfusion. The positive thing was that my husband was with me in private room all night and baby S was with us, we were both holding him skin to skin, and he was eating colostrum. In the morning they let me eat and I had shower. I was transferd on the ward (I just wanted to escape from that place). Luckily, I was able to leave before bed time. I had lots of pain down, but knew I just need some sleep (and the ward was too hot and full of people).

One more thing I remember was how bad the food was - after all that pushing and bleeding I wanted some healthy warm meal and they gave us chips, beans and pies - not good for recovery and digestion.

I came home and had some soup. I was so grateful for everything that happened. and my baby was fine and healthy. 

We are now getting used to the lack of sleep. I am breastfeeding and just lying next to him, observing every grimace he makes. I have to admit, I am falling in love. 

that was my story :-) I am lucky I had positive experience of birth, although there were complications after, emotionally I felt great

A dad's perspective

My wife and I have 3 children aged 8, 5 and 2. Our oldest was born in a birthing suite in Southmead Hospital, Bristol, and our younger two were both born at home in Cornwall and Birmingham respectively (we’ve travelled around a bit!).

First of all, I should say that our first childbirth experience was, in general, very good. The staff in the birthing suite were excellent and it was as stress-free an environment as a hospital can get. Having said that, I spent the early hours of my wife’s labour on a very uncomfortable mat trying to get a little sleep and, at the end of the day, we were in a hospital. That birth itself, was mostly trouble free. Perhaps unsurprisingly the problems only started after M was born. We were released from the hospital on the day of the birth – mother and baby both doing fine – but without a Doctor release as there was no-one available to sign us off. We were advised to return to the maternity ward the following day for the clinical checks.

Given that M was by that time 24 hours old, he was showing slight signs of jaundice (birth bruising, more likely) and was admitted to hospital. This was a truly horrible experience – our first child, brand new, was put in an incubator for 3 days when it was plainly obvious that what he needed was his parents.

So, birth good, post-birth care horrible. By the time our second child was due, we were living in a fairly rural part of Cornwall. In all honesty, this made our decision to have a home birth much easier (that, as well as living next door to a midwife!). The choices were that, Truro hospital, a good half hour’s drive away or a birthing centre in Helston – also half an hour away.

Given the geography of Cornwall, the medical system there was much better set up to support home births and it quickly became our preferred choice. And, looking back, it was absolutely the right thing to do.

I didn’t even realise it at the time, but simply being at home – being able to rest in our own bed, use our own kitchen – feeling in charge and in control – removed so much of the stress of our first birth. And this, I am sure, made N’s labour much easier as well.

When we phoned the hospital to advise them that N was going into labour, they sent a midwife out straight away, and a second arrived just as G was being born. Again, the midwife team was superb and the altered dynamic of us being in our own home made it feel like they were there to help and support us rather than boss us around.

A final point on our second child birth experience – I know that for N, being able to have a bath in her own bathroom straight after Gabriel arrived helped her to relax immensely and, once again, kept stress levels to a minimum. Also, going nowhere near a hospital environment meant that there was no likelihood of Gabriel ending up in hospital unnecessarily.

So, when we were expecting our third child, we had already decided that it would be another homebirth. Surprisingly, N was advised against that throughout her pregnancy – not on any medical grounds, but being much more savvy by now, we knew that our decision would be final.

Without going into all of the details of the third childbirth, the overall experience was very similar to our second. Relaxed, stress-free, we were in charge and the support from the midwives was excellent.

E was born on a very snowy night in the middle of January, and that was the only concern we had, really, that the midwife team wouldn’t be able to get to us – not that I was planning on driving anywhere in those conditions (we had even re-done the pre-natal classes as a refresher so I’d feel confident delivering the baby myself!).

Two things really stand out for me with regard to E’s birth. Firstly the utter shock and overwhelming joy at having a baby daughter and secondly, being able to wake the boys the following morning and introduce them to their new baby sister, in our own home, just the five of us. It was a truly special moment.

Overall, given my experience of having three children, all of whom are healthy and with mercifully no birth complications, I would whole-heartedly recommend and support giving birth at home. As a man, you don’t feel like a spare part, like you’re getting in the way and you can watch your own TV and make your own coffee while waiting for the “business end” of proceedings. Not dissimilar, I guess, to the way that women feel about giving birth at home.

A phrase I have heard at the home birth support group which really rings true for me is that hospitals are for sick people, so why go there if you’re not sick?

We didn’t bother with birthing pools or any other paraphernalia, our two youngest children were simply born in bedrooms at home in warm, cosy environments and never needed to visit hospitals where, let’s face it, they are more likely to pick up bugs and get ill!

The midwives who helped us to deliver G and E seemed to really get the best way to help a woman giving birth at home, taking more of a back seat, and were all lovely women to have met –
again, something that gets lost somewhat in a medical environment, I think.

I would recommend home births to any father-to-be and (not that we plan on having any more children!) would only go to hospital for child birth if it was ever entirely necessary.

Third child, first homebirth, very positive!

Here's my story, can't wait to hear some others!

As soon as it found out I was expecting our third baby I was really keen to have a home birth. My previous 2 daughters had been pretty straightforward in their arrivals with the second taking only 1 hour 20 mins to arrive in the world. My husband was a little unsure about the home birth experience but having had his mind well and truly put at rest by the wonderful home birth team we transferred under their care mid-way through my pregnancy. 

Now as I sit here writing this with my new daughter by my side I can honestly say being under the care of the home birth team was one of the best experiences I have had in the pre, during and post birth care.

Having had both my other daughters early when I started having more regular contractions for about an hour at 39 weeks I decided it was time to wake my husband up and call the midwife! We rang about 5.30am and by 6.15am the first midwife arrived, closely followed by the second. It was such a positive start to it all as along with our elder children we sat watching cbeebies and chatting about the excitement of our new family member arriving. One of our best friends had also joined us by this point to help look after A & I. Being at home meant I felt very relaxed so was happy to breath through contractions and chat to everyone while the midwives turned our loft bedroom into a tranquil haven of birth(!) and my husband had his tea making skills tested to the limit! Having seen our youngest daughter go off to nursery with friends (we decided to keep our eldest daughter at home as she had much more understanding of what was happening) and my contractions getting stronger I went upstairs with John to join the midwives and leave A and K to art and craft activities! I felt a bit nervous not having any vaginal examinations as to whether I would know when to push but in hindsight that was such a fantastically empowering feeling as was able to trust my body in knowing what to do and when. My contractions had become much more regular and intense but I felt really relaxed and able to cope with the pain and loved being in my own dimly lit bedroom. At around 8am I felt very tired and decided to kneel, leaning on the bed. After more contractions I clearly remember thinking I've had enough of this pain it's time to push the baby out- still wasn't sure if this was the right time or not as my previous two labours had started with my waters going and so far they were still intact! With the next contraction I gave a big push, my waters went and 30 seconds later T was born, with the midwife only able to put her gloves half on in time to catch her!

The midwives were so fantastic at clearing up really quickly so my daughters could come and join us and meet baby T. I will never forget the precious memory of us all eating toast and tea in bed only 45 minutes after her birth. I was then able to have a gorgeously long, hot shower in my own bathroom while T had cuddles with her big sister. The midwives stayed around for a couple of hours to make sure T was feeding ok and back to a good temperature. It was so lovely having them around to be part of our memories of that day. A was then keen to go to school so just 3 hours after her birth T had her first experience of the school run as we all went as a family to take A to school, something that could never have happened in a hospital environment.

As T will probably be our last family addition I am so glad she came into the world in such a positive and amazing way. My husband, who was so reticent to begin with, is now an ardent supporter of home birth and happy to chat through the concerns any other dads to be might have. It was nothing but a positive experience with I am so thankful to have had.

Second baby born at home: the most incredible experience

Before I share my birth story I thought I’d just mention the experience I had with my first child, Arthur, who’s 3 ½ .

My waters broke – 10 days early – at around 9.00pm in Paula’s yoga class and I immediately had contractions every minute to two minutes. By 11pm I was 7-8cm dilated and we went to hospital. The midwives thought it would all be done and dusted within a few hours. But things slowed down – he was also back to back, which didn’t help. Arthur was eventually born after a 15-hour labour. I was prepped for a C-section (after ventouse didn’t work) but he was delivered with the assistance of Keillands forceps (BIG forceps). Despite the interventions, the whole experience was really positive. Excellent care from the Women’s Hospital. The worst bit was recovery (3rd degree tear and episiotomy).

This time round a friend who was training to be a midwife asked whether I had heard about the new home birth team. I had never even considered a home birth before. What I did know was that I did not want to be under the same community midwife, who had reduced me to tears twice in my previous pregnancy – she was abrupt and grumpy. So I thought about it, chatted to a friend who had had a home birth, read some stuff online, talked to my husband and decided to go for it. The end result was easily the most amazing and uplifting experience of my life.

While Arthur was 10 days early, this baby decided to make an appearance 9 days late. It turns out I had probably been in a latent phase of labour for a few days. On the Friday I had my fourth (!) sweep and was already 3-4cm dilated (they’re not comfortable, but fine – especially when you have them at home) and I went for an acupuncture session. On the Saturday I was VERY grumpy and emotional (not a great birthday for my husband, I think). I had had a lot of Braxton Hicks throughout the second half of this pregnancy, and by Sunday they were quite intense. I was sitting, rotating on my birth ball when the baby did a huge wriggle and twist and my waters went at 10.15pm. With a second ‘pop’ of waters my contractions started thick and fast – every couple of minutes. The tens machine proved to be excellent again until I got into the water. The midwives from the homebirth team arrived within 30 minutes and the race was on to send Arthur to stay with friends and to get the pool up and filled. Having gone upstairs to the bathroom, I managed to make it downstairs (just!) and the pool was set up just in the nick of time for me to get in. Can’t tell you how good the water was. Although the midwives had sent for the gas and air from the hospital (it gets sent over in a taxi) it didn’t arrive in time – turns out this was actually a good thing, as I felt far more in control and present without it. Hester I H was born in water, 2 hours and 10 minutes after my waters broke. Turns out that I was the first person to hold her, as Lauren (my midwife) didn’t actually touch her during the labour. She was born in the water and ‘swam’ up into my arms, where I was the first to see that she was a girl. She weighed a respectable 8llb 2oz. 

We stayed in the water for a while (with a welcome glass of champagne) and then the midwives helped me into the sitting room, where I was comfortably ensconced on the sofa and had the syntocin injection to deliver the placenta, and Lauren gave me local anaesthetic and stitched up my small 2nd degree tear – the gas and air had arrived by this stage, so I used this. Then we all sat around in the sitting room drinking tea and champagne, eating cake and admiring the baby. Afterwards, the midwives helped me upstairs to have a shower and then I went to bed. My midwife Lauren came back to visit me and did all of the post natal checks at home – we saw her most days for the first week. I can’t describe how amazing it was to have that continuity of care – from antenatal, to labour, to postnatal – all with the same fabulous midwife. 

Throughout my pregnancy I was aware that things might change and that I might need to go into hospital (and also if that needed to happen during labour, I’d be there within minutes) – that it worked out the way it did was just the most incredible experience. Richard, my husband, also said that the experience for him was markedly different to being in hospital – he felt much more empowered being in his own home. If you haven’t thought about a home birth, then do – particularly if it’s your second pregnancy and you know a bit more what to expect. The new home birth team are ALL totally brilliant and very lovely. I’m almost sorry that I won’t be doing it again.

I had been having twinges all week and everyday at some point I thought "this could be it!" But they never got into a rhythm that lasted longer than 2 or 3 hours.

Finally on Thursday morning at about 6 ish my waters broke and continued to trickle......I had a few twinges after that but again nothing began to establish, so after a very long walk at approx 12.30pm with the family, I decided to have a kip. I slept for about 2hrs and when I woke up the twinges had disappeared completely. I think they came back about 4 or 5 and began to get into a rhythm we started to time them although I knew it was early labour the sensations were getting stronger. I had been bouncing on my ball and staying upright and at around 10pm I called the midwife and she came out, she examined me and I was only 2cm dilated, so left. After that they eased off for a bit but at about 2am the sensations had increased in pressure and I was hoping to get into the pool (I'd completely forgot about my tens machine!). The midwife came out examined me again and I was still only 2-3cm arrghh!!!! So she went. Again the twinges decreased for a bit.

I was so disheartened, and cross with myself. At around 3am I sent my husband to bed as he'd been up as long as me and I knew he'd need his strength for later.

The feelings were strong but I knew they should be stronger, so I ate dates, after every date I had a contraction which was more powerful than the last and at around 4.45am I threw up, and that's when things started moving!!!! I woke my hubs and asked him to get the pool ready, I rang the midwife and told her I needed to get in the pool. She asked me to wait as she didn't want baby coming whilst she wasn't there. I waited as long as I could and at 7ish about 1min before she arrived I got in the pool, the pain eased immediately, at 8am she examined me but I was still only 2-3cm, at this point I was so disheartened I asked if I could go the hospital and have an epidural as I was knackered and it isn't called "labour" for nothing! It was decided that if things hadn't started to get going by 12pm I'd go in. I was offered gas & air and along with my hubs awesome sacral skills that eased things.

The next exam was at about 10ish and I was 4cm....WOOHOOO the magic number! At about 11am I had asked hubby to get in the pool, he was reluctant but I gave him no choice, I was getting urges to push I was examined and was 8cm so was told to breath thru by 11.30 I really needed to push I was examined again and told that if the midwife stayed where she was for the next contraction she could "fold the remaining cervix" over babys head, then I could let rip on the pushing front. Jeez, that was an experience, needless to say I asked if the midwife could remove herself from the position at this time! (In the back of my mind was my previous birth experience and that was not helping) I wanted to push but wanted to be entirely sure it was ok to do so, so I was holding off. The midwife suggested another exam and if this time, if needed, to be able to do the folding, at 12ish I agreed. A few min after, around 12.10pm my hubby got out the pool to use the loo, when the next contraction eased, by the time he got back she was half way in the world, he didn't miss the important bit! She was born at 12.19pm!

Sacral massage from the hubs, breathing correctly, and gas and air saved the day! 

There were times (lots) when I just wanted to give up, go to hospital and have drugs! but with my husband's and the midwive's encouragement, I stayed at home and birthed the way I wanted to.

I want to thank Paula's Pregnancy Yoga for the lessons she taught about breathing, being upright and moving,  and especially sacral massage!!!!

Sandy’s leisurely arrival

My waters broke on the Sunday morning about 7am, and contractions started, so we called the midwives, and filled the Pool. Both of my first 2 labours were about 7 hours in total from first twinges to baby's arrival, so I was confident that by early afternoon, I'd have my baby. However, by mid morning my contractions were stopping. I tried Caulophyllum (homeopathic remedy), and Clary Sage (aromatherapy oil), but nothing happened. I know that once your waters have broken, if you haven't produced a baby within 72 hours (protocol at this time), they want to get you into hospital to induce you, so I was very aware the clock was ticking... The next day, my midwife asked me if she should book me in for the induction on Wednesday. I told her I didn't want to think about that option, as I was trying to think positive. I needed her to say "Don't worry. This often happens. I'm sure your contractions will start again really soon." I knew about the 72 hour rule, but would have been unwilling to be induced, so I think she knew there would be a battle if it came to it, but fortunately it wasn't necessary anyway. She was also worried that my bump had shrunk, and requested that we go into hospital for a scan to check everything was OK. My waters had gone - I would have thought that should've explained it. But anyway, we felt it would be irresponsible to ignore her concern, so off we trotted to spend the afternoon at hospital - the last place I wanted to be at this point! The scan was fine, apart from the radiographer said I was showing as 164 weeks pregnant! And then she input something incorrectly, so that when we went to have the results analyzed, we were told the baby was breech, which fortunately I also knew was wrong.

On the way home from the hospital, I went for some Acupuncture to try to kick start contractions again. The acupuncturist was confident she would be able to stimulate contractions, but wasn’t sure if they would continue once the treatment had finished. But in actuality, I didn’t have any contractions even while she was treating me! I was desperately trying to stay positive, but did wonder whether the labour would start again on it’s own.

So we bought a pineapple (supposed to help induce labour), had a curry, and settled down to watch TV, sitting on my Birth Ball. About 8.45pm contractions finally returned. Yippee! After a while I got my TENS machine on, and got focused on my breathing. But around midnight I felt the contractions were easing off again, so I thought the best thing would be to take the TENS off, and get some sleep (not knowing how long things may be off or on for). But after about 2 hours I woke up as the contractions were too strong to sleep through, so I got the TENS machine back on, and got back on the Ball. By 2.30am, we thought we should probably call the midwife, who arrived just after 3.00am. As soon as she arrived I told her I wanted to get into the Pool (on the phone, the midwives had told me to wait until they arrived before I got in), so she took some details, measured my bump, and took the TENS off, as I was running to dive in. I told them I thought I was pretty close, and they agreed. I didn't have any internal examinations as my waters had broken, and didn't want to risk infection in case the labour stopped again. Mind you, by this point it was definitely passed the point of no return, but I was really pleased that the midwives didn't feel the need to do an internal. Jonnie got in the Pool with me, and it didn't take very long after that. In fact Sandy was born only about half an hour after the midwives arrived. I'd had minor tears with my previous deliveries, so I asked the more experienced midwife if she would help me deliver without tearing, which she did, and I didn't tear at all. I was amazed! It made such a huge difference to my recovery. Alexander was born under the water at 3.40am on Tuesday 5th December. I brought him to the surface, and we stayed in the water while he got used to life 'out here'. It was magical. We had fairy lights on, and music playing. Sandy was so chilled out - no crying. In fact he was so relaxed, the midwives were concerned he wasn’t breathing very well, and suggested cutting the cord. I asked if they thought it was a good idea to cut off his established oxygen supply if they had concerns that he wasn’t breathing very well with his lungs, and they agreed to leave it. After a while, they were happy he was breathing well on his own, so I asked if we could have some privacy to spend, just the three of us getting to know each other. They left us to it for about an hour in the dim light, having skin-to-skin contact with Sandy, while they sat in another room doing their paperwork. It was fantastic!

Un-planned home birth

Baby Lucas arrived at 6.30 yesterday morning. The day before, Tuesday, I was quite unwell, although without any pains, and went to the Women’s, where I was told I probably just had a stomach bug. Now I think it was more likely to be labour starting!

Anyway, I spent a good night, and my waters broke at 5.40am on Wednesday, almost without warning, although my midwife had been telling me for days that labour looked imminent! We called the hospital to expect us, had a quick shower, turn the TENS on (god, it was soooo helpful!) and by the time I finished dressing, at around 6.10-6.15am, I realised the baby was coming. My husband then called an ambulance. It took the paramedics about 10min to arrive, at which point I really felt I had to push - the lady paramedic who took charge of the situation didn’t even have time to take her coat off, as she could see the head already! She said I could push - three pushes and the baby was out!

The funny thing is that this all happened about 5 metres away from where my son was sleeping - and he didn’t wake up!! Eventually, he did, but I think it was more due to the 10 people helping us moving around than my screams, bless him. At least he didn’t witness any of the trauma!

Luckily, I delivered the placenta naturally about 25min later. Then, all the necessary arrangements were made to take me and Lucas to the hospital, where we were properly checked, I got stitched up (second degree tear, unsurprisingly!) and got confirmation that everything was fine. They weighed and measured Lucas - 9lb 15oz, and 6 hours later, they sent us home. Everything worked out fine, thank goodness.

It was obviously very intense and scary. For a while before the paramedics arrived, I really thought we would have to deliver the baby on our own. Luckily, professional help arrived in the nick of time.

So there you go, a perfect example that you cannot plan anything when it comes to birth and labour!! And also, that nature is actually pretty smart and your body can cope with pretty much anything!

A Big Baby Home Birth

It's been 5 years since my home birth now, but if you're interested...

I'd been under consultant care for a while as I had SPD and was on crutches for most of the pregnancy. I was measuring at "the top end of normal" (whatever that is) but the consultants miraculously were happy and put me back under midwife care. I hated hospitals and even the birthing centre didn't feel comfortable at all. In my mind, I was certain on a home birth from about 28 weeks.

On Sat 5th Jan, I was determined to get things going, so DH and I spent 3 hours shopping around the City Centre, me power walking everywhere. My constipation was still pretty bad so I was hoping it would help get something moving. We got home; I was shattered but no movement of any kind. So I juiced 2 pineapples and a mango (yum), and drank the lot in almost one go (2 pints!)

About an hour later I needed a wee, went and realised that I desperately needed a bm. I pushed so hard it hurt, but there was some success. At the same time, I bled a little and felt a strange kinda clicking in my pelvis every time I pushed.

Anyway, maybe ½ hour later at midnight, ctx kicked in. I couldn’t sleep through them and they were about 8mins apart. I woke up DH and he started to get the lounge and pool ready, knowing we should have enough time.

I was drinking like a fish and after about 2 hours went for yet another wee and lost my plug (very clear mucus, streaked only with bright red blood), ctx were approx. 5-6 mins and my word there was no question I was in labour by then. DH called the midwife but it was so icy outside that it was going to take her a while to get there. That wasn’t a problem though, I had my TENS machine when I was ready. At this point the ctx were just really uncomfortable but still didn’t hurt (mind over matter I think…)

The midwife arrived at around 3:45am, just after DH had finished getting the pool all set up and the whole of the lounge ready. There was plastic sheeting covering the whole floor, with loads of towels and old blankets. I asked MW to check me to see how far I was as ctx were so uncomfortable and I wanted to see if it was worth using the TENS yet. She couldn’t reach my cervix!! The examination was sooooo painful, but my cervix was completely posterior and no telling how dilated I was.

I thought stuff it, let’s go with TENS on low, which worked surprisingly well, with DH watching me to press the button for ctx so I wouldn’t have to worry about it. She checked me again about half an hour later approx 4:15am and I was roughly 3-4 cm – hooray!!! I could finally get in the pool. OMG sweet relief – it seemed to take away so much of the pain it was untrue. I was breathing steadily and concentrating so hard through every ctx, but it felt like nothing was happening – I couldn’t feel baby moving down or anything and was getting verrrrrrrry tired. The water was so warm and soothing but making me a little sleepier than before (I hadn’t slept since Friday night!!)

By 6:30am and 6½ hours of established labour, I became very close to thinking I was fighting a losing battle and started to beg for some kind of help. I kept apologising to DH saying I felt like I’d thrown all our hard work out the window by wanting to go in for an epi, but that I was just desperate for help. MW offered to check me again to make a decision – I was 6-7cm!!! I couldn’t believe I had made it that far and decided (with renewed vigour!!) that screw this – I was almost there and I knew I could do it. I started on the gas and air and could feel that I might just get to the end.

I soon hit transition – I don’t remember much about it, but DH and MW say it was very clear when I was there. I only remember doing weird things like trying to dry off the side of the pool (with a wet hand), and wondering why one of the lights on the ceiling was more yellow than the others (it wasn’t…) and instructing DH to stand in an exact spot at the side of the pool so I could go to him or move away as needed…it was very surreal but that’s all I remember of that.

I was micro-sleeping between ctx at this point; the “sleeps” felt like ½ hour each but DH tells me they were minutes if not seconds, before being woken by the next ctx. They eventually took the gas and air off me because I wasn’t using it, and pushing stage began

At 10:30am-ish I wanted to start pushing so MW checked me one last time and said she could easily feel Mocha’s head ‘right there’ (about 2cm inside. DH got in the pool and stood behind me, holding me up under my arms while I squatted in the water. The pushing was IMMENSE but the MW were fantastic, not touching me or interfering, using a torch and mirror to observe, telling me how to push past the Ring of Fire and get the head out. I reached down and could stroke the top of Mocha’s head and knew I was so close. DH got in the pool with me and held me up while I squatted and pushed – it was unreal, reaching down and feeling the head come out. Finally after an hour of much guided pushing, out came baby Mocha at 11:32am! Labour had lasted approx. 11½ hours. He was GORGEOUS, eyes open and alert, not crying, just gurgling out water, very peaceful. I was so surprised he was a boy! He’s called Noah F.

DH cut the cord and I got out for my natural 3rd stage which was great too. Unfortunately, no one had anticipated baby being quite so big, and I ended up with suspected 3rd degree tearing (hence the trip to hospital). While the MW was assessing me at home, I was out of it on gas and air, DH came back downstairs and announced his weight to me – 10lbs15oz!!!! I nearly had kittens on the spot (which probably would’ve been easier…) At hospital they kept us in because they were all so concerned with the size of Noah (by rights he should have gotten completely stuck with shoulder distortia), whether my SPD was going to be an issue and wanted to make sure he was feeding properly – it was a day before he decided he was going to latch on. Now he feeds like a pro

He’s eating and sleeping well, still trying to work out some kind of pattern, but he did well for his first night at home. I’m so proud of myself to be honest – we followed my entire birth plan to the letter, and even after ending up in hospital we got some of the best lactation help we could ask for.

Baby in a hurry

Well baby Fred arrived in a rather speedy fashion on Saturday afternoon, 5 days late.  He had stayed the right way up following the breech concern at 37 weeks so we continued with the home birth plan, at 4.10 pm we left warley woods and headed home and i had felt some regular Braxton hicks whilst out.  i started cooking a fish pie for tea and realised they were definitely contractions!!! kept having to stop stirring to hold onto the side by 5pm couldn't concentrate and served a rather mediocre dinner!!!  Oscar rang the midwives as the contractions were about 2 minutes apart. I  coped upstairs by walking and had tens machine on which i found helpful.  Oscar realised things were moving fast and started to fill the pool whilst trying to get the girls to bed an hour early!!  I tried lying down on my left to slow it down a bit.  By 6pm the kids were settling to bed bless them they were really confused.  I stayed in the lounge again lying on my side to try to slow things but i didn't get any breaks in the contractions at this point and can only describe it as a steam train!!  Unfortunately the battery went on the tens so the last couple of contractions were overwhelmingly powerful and i was desperate to be in the pool but it was only a third full at this stage.  I had to focus my mind and use my breath.  By 6.10pm i felt calm and oscar was trying to ring the midwives to see how far they were when my waters gushed out followed by the urge to push.  We tried to get me on my knees but i couldn't move so stayed on my left side (at least we got my trousers off!!!)  then 3 pushes later and the head was out followed quite quickly by the body and oscar scooped him up onto my chest.  A boy he cried as the midwives knocked on the door it was 6.23pm.
Unfortunately i had a little tear but opted for no stitches.  We realised this was due to the fact he was actually back to back so head circumference was rather large.  The midwives and student were lovely and i had a natural third stage which took 50 minutes and continuous skin to skin.  Fred weighed 9lb 1ounce and is beautiful.  I finally ate some dinner at 9.30 pm and we were tucked up in bed by 11pm.  The girls woke up to a new brother and are mad about him.  Despite having no pain relief or midwives I loved having my second home birth, such a wonderful environment to welcome Fred into the world.  He is feeding well and we are all mad about him.

Avoided induction

I gave birth to a girl on 11/12/13' 8lb 8 oz and she is called Beatrice.

I gave birth at 42 weeks so just managed the home birth! I did have a bit of pressure to be induced, but resisted a few more days!
My contractions started about 4.30 am Tuesday but were sporadic. They got closer together about 2.30 on Wednesday morning. I called the midwife at 8.30 am when they were very close together and getting stronger. She came and examined me and I was 4-5 cm which was good as if I wasn't in established labour they would not have let me have a home birth. Everything developed well and I really enjoyed being at home. When I was examined at 5.30 pm I was fully dilated and ready to start pushing. First push and my waters broke. I pushed for 2 hours at home, but she wouldn't come out! I had to be transferred to hospital. They did a small cut and she was out within 20 mins. She had her hand up which was stopping her exit.

I really enjoyed being at home for the majority of the labour. I'm really glad I put off having an induction as I knew she would come when she was ready.

Born on a snowy night

Here's announcing the arrival of our baby girl EP, born 23rd January at 3:46 am.

We were pleased that we did have her at home without much fuss which is what M and I wanted. I felt that I was having early contractions when I was at your yoga class on Tuesday night, but they were so mild that I didn't think much of them. I came home and relaxed with Matt for a couple of hours. At about 11:30 we decided to call the midwives to let them know that I was in the early stages of labour. They offered to send someone out but I just wanted to let them know as it was snowing that we would need someone later. I then tried to sleep for a couple of hours but just ended up resting. At 1 I woke Matt up and we phoned the midwife at about half one. They came out for about two thirty, when they arrived the contractions were still mild but about 4 mins apart and i was only 4cm. From there on in things progressed quickly.

By 3:30 was feeling sick so went to the loo, once there I felt ready to push which did confuse me a little as my waters still hadn't broken. I called Matt and we plus midwives made it into the bedroom where as soon as I got there my waters broke 3:41 am that's when the contractions really started to hurt. 5 mins later she was born!

I had a natural delivery of the placenta which took about an hour, during which time I had a fabulous cuddle and Eloise had a feed.

Then the two of us had a bath and Matt, myself and the two midwives a cuppa.

How lovely an experience. My older boys slept through it all and were woken up to a new baby sister Wednesday morning.

Such a chilled out baby

When I first discovered I was pregnant I can honestly say that I expected to be requesting all the pain relief possible & had I been told I needed a caesarean, worryingly, I imagine I’d have been pleased. However, at 14 weeks I joined Paula Sims’ Active Birth Yoga class & immediately started to change the way I thought about pregnancy and, more significantly, labour and birth, and was inspired by thoughts of the body’s ability to birth a baby as naturally as possible.

 

Post-birth, each person attending the yoga sessions re-visits the class, introduces their baby and tells their birth story. After hearing various women’s hospital birth stories, mostly entailing prolonged labours and medical intervention, I was really struck by one woman’s home birth experience: Becky’s labour had been comparatively short, she’d not used any form of pain relief and to put it plainly, she looked fantastic! It was so refreshing and inspirational to hear such a positive story and witness the evidence in her glowing appearance.

 

At home, I recounted the story to my husband, and was not surprised by his point blank refusal when I suggested that we consider a home birth also. Ollie immediately panicked at the thought of “what if something goes wrong; what if there’s an emergency...?” To allay his concerns I managed to persuade him to attend the Home Birth Support Group quarterly meeting with me: hearing the positive stories of other couples who had opted for a home birth (including naturally birthing babies over 11lb and a breech baby) had a phenomenal effect & having discussed his concerns with medical professionals, and other expectant/new fathers, and safe in the knowledge that if a problem were to arise, we could easily transfer to hospital, Ollie completely changed his mind and agreed to support me in having a home birth. He did have one proviso though - that we attend the Natal Hypnotherapy course, as I wouldn’t have the same access to pain relief with a home birth.

 

Throughout my pregnancy I continued to attend weekly yoga classes which greatly aided my physical and mental preparation for the birth, as well as equipped me with in-depth knowledge about labour, birth and good birthing techniques etc. My husband & I also attended the Natal Hypnotherapy course, which benefitted us both immensely, by preparing me for the birth and instilling in me a complete belief in my body’s ability to birth my baby naturally, and also in helping Ollie to understand the importance of the birth partner’s role.  In the weeks preceding my daughter’s birth, I listened to the Hypnotherapy CD daily and as a result was accustomed to sending myself into a state of deep relaxation and was genuinely excited about the birth. Any fears either I or Ollie may once have had, were completely dissipated as a result of the knowledge we equipped ourselves with in preparation for the home birth.

 

As for the birth itself, I really can't stress how perfect the experience was, and how fortunate we feel as a result:

 

·         My waters broke at 5am on Saturday 4^th July 2009

·         I had manageable contractions all morning & early afternoon

·         After taking a Caulophyllum tablet (a homeopathic remedy bought a few weeks beforehand which strengthens contractions) and going for a short walk at around 4pm, I was getting contractions every 4 mins

·         The 1st midwife, Mary Foggarty, came out to me at 5:30 – she was fantastic, really positive, supportive, and happy to let me maintain control over the birth. When Ollie asked if she needed to establish how dilated I was, her response was only if I wanted her to. We were both happy, however, to monitor the progress of the labour by the strength of my contractions and how I handled each. This was really empowering, and undoubtedly a result of the fact I was at home rather than in hospital

·         At about 6pm the midwife asked if I had a TENS machine & when I told her I had one, she suggested I put it on, although as I had left it so late into the labour, there wasn’t enough time for it to build intensity and be effective

·         I got into the birth pool that I’d bought from Birth Pool in a Box, at about 7pm and immediately went into 2nd stage. Getting into the water felt fantastic and I was amazed by the primal, innate, manner with which my body told me it was time to push, and how I went ‘inside myself’ – afterwards Ollie told me he & the midwife had been talking to me & it was almost as if I didn’t even realise they were there

·         The 2^nd midwife arrived at approximately 7:30pm, at the same time as the gas & air, but by which time the baby’s head was crowning. I attempted to use the Entonox for 2 or 3 contractions, however having already completed much of the labour without it, I felt that it was more of a distraction and didn’t use it again during the birth

·         Ollie delivered our baby girl, who we’ve named Boo, at 7:49pm. The whole experience was incredible and quite emotional for him. Boo was so chilled - her heart rate never faltered during the labour/birth; she was under the water with her eyes wide open as she was born & she didn't cry at all when Ollie brought her out of the water and passed her to me

·         I was expecting the midwives to take her out of the water (particularly as she didn’t cry) but they were happy to leave her in the water with me, allowing us to bond immediately. They scored her 10 for each APGAR assessment, confirming to us that she really was perfect!

·         Our birth experience was so straight forward and rapid, that the student midwife missed the birth itself entirely, however it was great to have her there for the 3^rd stage and afterwards

·         I hoped to deliver the placenta physiologically, however quite a bit of time had passed and I felt faint when asked to stand, so instead I agreed to have the injection to speed along the delivery

·         Unfortunately I had a 2^nd degree tear which required stitches; the suturing was completed on my sofa  & I definitely made use of the gas & air at this point!

·         Afterwards, I had a shower whilst the midwives kindly helped my husband to make our bed. I was in bed & sending picture texts of our perfect little girl to family/friends before midnight!

·         Boo’s fantastic home water birth experience definitely impacted positively on her as well as us; she’s such a chilled out baby. Both Ollie and I are complete advocates of home births and can’t speak highly enough of the benefits of birthing your baby in a positive, relaxed, home environment

Small but beautiful

On 17 May 2010, I gave birth to my eldest daughter, Melody, at home in a birthing pool.  I was really relaxed at home to the extent that the midwives were laughing and said they usually have screaming and swearing and the birth was beautiful.

She was born with her eyes open and appeared to swim up to me for a cuddle and a breast feed.  It was the most amazing experience I have ever had.  She was 6 lb, 2 oz born.  When I fell pregnant again, there was no other way I was going to give birth than in the relaxation of my home.  However, although not an issue at the time, the consultant at the hospital said that he did not recommend I have another home birth due to the fact that my first born was small.

I attended a Home Birth Meeting where a midwife there talked through things with me and said that I should get a midwife from the hospital to come to my home and discuss it with me and if a home birth was what I really wanted then as long as the midwifes were available to come out to me it should not be a problem.  I did indeed have another home birth the second time round, albeit it not in the birthing pool as they took me out to break my waters and Harmony was born about 15 minutes later on 16 October 2011 after weighing 6.12.

Without the support of the midwives and the home birthing support group, that second home birth may not have been possible.  The idea of going to hospital to give birth is alien to me whilst if there were any complications, hospital would probably be best. I do feel mothers should be more encouraged and supported to birth where they feel the most relaxed.  After all, home births were "normal" years ago.  I was also able to sell my birthing pool through the home birth  support group afterwards and it was just lovely hearing other people's birth stories

I was in my own world of labour

I had a home birth with my first child in 2008. It was a wonderful, special experience and I wish more women could experience childbirth in the way that I did.

Home birth was not something I had considered at all in early pregnancy, not because I was against it but just because I thought babies were born in hospitals these days! The suggestion first came from my midwife who said having a baby at home could be lovely. I dismissed it at the time, but I think she had put the seed in my head.

As my pregnancy progressed I had a look around the hospital delivery suite and heard about the various pain relief options and interventions and the more I learned the more I felt I would be more comfortable and relaxed at home.  I really felt I could have my baby without intervention in the right setting, where I felt calm and in control - and that for me was at home.

The actual labour started very gently and my daughter was born 24 hours later in the living room, with my partner, mum and cat looking on! In the early stages it was lovely to be at home; I remember watching Strictly Come Dancing and reading trashy magazines between contractions. As the labour became more established I was able to move around the house, have a bath, and lean on the sofa and worktop - anything that made me more comfortable.

The only problem I had was making the midwives believe I was in established labour on the phone - I think I was too calm so they told me to wait longer before they would come out to me. In the end one midwife came an hour before the birth and the second minutes before the birth.  It didn't really matter, I was in my own world of labour anyway and wasn't that aware of who was around me, but it did mean they wouldn't allow me in the birthing pool without two midwives present and the gas and air was delivered too late for me to benefit from.

However, the overall experience will always remain with me as a very special and wonderful time, and one which I'd happily repeat. It was the birth I wanted and that was right for me.

I touched her hair in the water!

My waters broke around 3 am but the labor started in the morning. I used all the techniques learned from my Yoga teacher Paula to cope with the pain. My dad and Simon got the pool ready and I called the hospital to send the midwives.

Yoga helped me to speed up the first stage and it seemed my breathing techniques and Tens machine worked well. Then I used the gas and air, which was delivered via taxis from hospital. During my labor, I was worried the gas air would run out before the replacement arrived. Simon helped me to check and communicated with the midwives.

After I took off the Tens machine and got into the pool, the progress was slowing down. I had to do the sweep to speed up. After this had been done, pain was aggravated and I could only rely on water and gas air to cope the pain. Well, they took off the gas air from me later. Finally I could feel Olivia coming out and I touched her hair in the water!

Chalk and cheese - June, Birmingham

I have given birth twice, each time to a boy, each time the boy was a good weight and the labour started naturally approx. 24 hours after a sweep, each time the boy was in a back to back position and neither boy was on time, although D (no 2) was only 2 days late. That is where the comparisons end, and yet I approached each one with a similar attitude and disinclination towards pain relief.

Baby no 1 J was born 9lb 12oz (that’s right…) back to back after 33 hours. He was born screaming I would imagine, pulled, tugged, crunched by forceps, yanked into the bright lights of a delivery room one Saturday in October 2011. I say I imagine because I cannot remember. I remember bits. The bright lights, the pain, me shouting ‘You’re hurting him’.  I remember the panic, the feeling that my body had let me down, let him down; had failed us both. And the exhaustion. Not being able to hold him when we were back in the ward. Too tired to feed him. He was so tired he didn't even cry for food. Relief that he was too exhausted to want to feed. Just watching him in his little cot with the strangest mixed feelings... That was not what I’d expected. I loved him so much. In the weeks after the desperate love and guilt that he’d had such a terrible journey into the world affected our ability to breastfeed, even to bottle feed happily. I was finally able to relax when I weaned him. That’s that over with I felt. I never ever wanted to repeat the experience.

That’s not to say we didn’t want more children. Beautiful J; how could we not want more? As the months went by I gradually let go of the birth experience and we started trying. When we were booked in by a midwife and she said ‘Have you thought of a home birth?’ I was at first dismissive. But her words stayed with me ‘Don’t just assume you’re doomed to repeat the last labour and birth; second births are much easier. If you go into it in a positive mood you might give yourself an easier experience’

It was a nice idea. But my husband wouldn’t want to. My in laws would say I’m crazy. My mum would stress.

But it drew closer and it became clear that a home birth was something I kept being drawn to. It was the only way to guarantee a birth pool (but not a water birth), the only way to ensure consistency of care, and keep me far removed from epidurals and forceps. A tour of the hospital left me in no doubt that I did not want to go back.

It was official. The box was delivered, the midwife signed me off (after a scan to check he was not breech, as feared), the pool was bought and tested for leaks, the books read and digested, the date came and went. I went for my sweep. I was told I was 1cm dilated but nothing would happen soon unless I started spontaneously dilating, which seemed to her unlikely.

One and a half days later we put J to bed and I looked at my angel and knew someday soon an era would end. I served up dinner and had a bit of a tummy ache. We eat together and I told my husband afterwards about my tummy ache and when I felt my tummy it was rock hard. We watched some telly, feeling relaxed and knowing everything was in place. After a short while I started breathing through the contractions. This was it! With no idea of how long a night it might be my husband phoned J’s godmother to tell her she might need to collect him in the morning and we called the Home Birth phone number. This was especially for anyone going into labour in the evening, when the community midwives handed over to the hospital. The message said the number was not working. Not working?!!! A few more goes bore no result. We called Triage: engaged each time. Finally, in between contractions, switchboard put me through. They had to call me back. Contractions were getting stronger and about 30 seconds in length but 5 minutes apart (they actually never lasted any longer than 30-40 seconds usually). The midwife said no midwives were available. I protested. “You can talk to the head midwife if you want but there isn’t anyone available, we’re very busy; you’ll have to come in” she said grumpily. I told her I’d been assured they could juggle staff in this scenario and she needed to make it happen because I was having the baby at home and didn’t want to do so alone.

“Are you refusing to come in then?” I said: “Just do what you have to do!”

I hung up and felt desperate. Hubby said we’d just have to go in then. But 15 minutes later a midwife called Gemma called and said they were on their way. The relief! This turned out to be the only hiccouph in the process and the minute they arrived I relaxed. They were so calm and relaxed, smiley but not in your face. I just got on with my breathing and being on all fours (to turn the baby if he was still back to back). I’d done natal hypnotherapy and was nice and relaxed. Hubby brought a cold flannel for my shoulders: it was beautiful! He also made me laugh a few times and there was a calm happy air in the room as he filled up the birth pool.

After going to the loo for a wee they said they’d better investigate me to see how dilated I was. No one was in any real hurry. Suddenly as I lay down my waters broke. (I’d been so worried that this wouldn’t happen naturally, like the last time). Then the midwife said “Oh my god you’re 9 and a half cms dilated; you’re going to have your baby at any moment! You need to get in that pool otherwise your husband will kill me!” I took off my tens machine when I got up, relieved myself (oh the shame!) hobbled across the floor to the pool (wishing I’d kept the damn machine on – hardest hobble of my life), hopped in (all a blur), squatted, pushed and out came the head. The water was so helpful! As soon as I got in I knew I’d be ok. Another push and out he came, wriggling in my hands, covered in white gunk; perfect!

We spent another 40 minutes in there and then I delivered the placenta in the pool while they weighed him. Those 40 minutes were so lovely; me and my husband just basked in the warmth of it all. Delivering the placenta didn't hurt and the gas and air arrived as I was about to be stitched up (only minor) and I said I didn't need it.

I went to bed cradling my new baby I think it was 2 o'clock ish and my husband cleaned the pool out. He came to bed at 4am. The next morning he brought our toddler in when he woke up and we introduced him to his new baby brother.

Amazing J