The Birth of Sarah - The mummy's story

This is the first of two stories. The first is the mummy's and the second is the daddy's.
Sarah was born on 2nd November  at 09.15 at home.

Sarah is our second child.  Ferdinand (our first child) was born in hospital, on labour ward, after my
waters went at home (no contractions) and there was meconium.  He arrived safe and sound after 21 hours of labour.  It wasn’t the experience I was hoping for mainly because I didn’t feel listened to.

I don’t want to dwell on Ferdinand’s birth but the labour actually progressed very quickly, until I became very dehydrated, my contractions stopped and I ended up needing medication to get them started again.  Ferdinand was born by forceps and I didn’t have good quality skin to skin, despite him
being fine.  I went on to develop bad post natal depression (requiring treatment under the mother and baby unit) which I felt was contributed to by the poor experience I had in hospital and I was keen to have a different, more personal experience with my second child.

I lied during my pregnancy, mainly about 2 things, and I’m glad I did.  The first thing I lied about was the ‘due date’.  In my first pregnancy the scan dates had predicted a ‘due date’ 7 days later than
what I worked it out to be by my periods.  Ferdinand was born 2 days after the scan due date (and 9 days after ‘my’ calculated ‘due date).  I remembered people beginning to comment that the baby was ‘still in there’ and talk of inductions from the due date, so this time I told everyone the ‘due date’ was a week later than my notes said.  Consequently everyone (including my mother, and I think, by the end of the pregnancy, my husband) believed that I was having a Halloween baby.  I’m glad I did fib as I wasn’t bothered when I went past my ‘due date’ and other people didn’t start worrying until a week later.  Obviously the midwives  knew the true date but they also knew it was a secret and understood that I would not be interested in ‘getting things going’ before my body was ready.  As it happened Sarah turned up 9 days after my due date too, so I obviously just cook babies for 41 weeks and 2 days.

The second thing I lied about was that I was planning a home birth.  It was a lie of omission mainly but we decided it was no one else’s business and I personally didn’t want all the ‘oh, I wouldn’t want
to risk that’ etc etc etc nonsense.   Again, I’m very glad we didn’t tell people; we have thoroughly enjoyed sharing the news after the event and been surprised by how many people are positive about the idea.  Those that are less positive have been immediately silenced by the great experience we had.
Halloween came and went and on the 1st of November we got a baby sitter and went on a story telling walk round the local park.  It was a leisurely 1 hour stroll with professional story tellers telling ghost stories.  I joke that they scared the baby out of me but in truth I think the walk helped.  I also knew which midwives were on call and I was totally happy with the ones that were on over that weekend.

We went home at about 10pm and went to bed.  Dev (my husband) was sleeping in the spare room as I found it impossible to sleep without taking up the whole of our bed (rolling over was not elegant).

At about 1am I woke up.  I lay for a while and felt an intermittent burning sensation in my lower tummy.  I had the weird feeling that it had been going on for quite some time while I was asleep.  I was too excited to go back to sleep so I lay and read the entire BBC news website.  I couldn’t really time the contractions as they were too irregular.  About 6 in 20 minutes but I could get 2 in 2 minutes and then none for ages and the intensity was equally irregular.  Nothing really changed but I thought I’d ring and get the number for the midwife on call so I was ‘ready’.  I rang the birth centre and was told I had to speak to labour ward (I later found out that the birth centre was closed all weekend due to staff shortages).  I spoke to a midwife and explained what was going on.  She didn’t seem particularly interested and (I know this is awful) when I had a tightening in my tummy I consciously decided not to talk through it!  At that point she ended the conversation saying she would speak to the midwife on call, Bethany, and get her to ring me.  I felt awful as I genuinely didn’t feel I needed to disturb her, yet.  Bethany rang back and I apologised and explained that I didn’t really need her yet and I had just been trying to get the number in preparation.  Bethany still talked through things and the refreshing thing was that even though I hadn’t actually met Bethany she knew all about me (I had heard a lot about her and knew that she was the ‘hypnobirthing’ midwife).

She asked what I wanted to do.  I said I wanted to go and do some hypno and that I wasn’t sure if I
should wake Dev to fill the pool or not.  Bethany advised that I wake Dev and ring her back in an hour or so or whenever I felt I wanted to.

I woke Dev and he started getting the sitting room ready.  I went back to bed and listened to my hypno tracks.  I can honestly say I have never got into such a deep hypno state as I did then and it
was fabulous...... I think I’d still be there now if Bethany hadn’t rung back at about 5.30am.  She explained that she was up and dressed and I agreed that she could pop round and see me (so she knew nothing was going on and then she could go back to bed).  

Bethany arrived about 30 minutes later and came up to our bedroom.  She talked to us and agreed that things were starting but I was not in active labour.  She was also adamant that she thought I’d labour quickly when things did get going.  She said that she would like to write her notes in the kitchen and suggested that both Dev and I went back to bed for a sleep.  We did this but about 20 minutes later I kicked Dev out of bed and told him to go and tell Bethany that I would want the gas and air at some point but that I didn’t want it now (I’m dreadful at trying to get things organised in these situations!).  Bethany came back up to talk to be again and by the time she got up the stairs I wasn’t happy to sit still through a contraction.  They weren’t bad and I still didn’t think things were really happening but I needed to be on all fours for them.  It was lovely that Bethany was genuinely excited that things were progressing but I still thought it would be a while.  We agreed that Bethany could examine me (so that we knew I wasn’t in proper labour) and then could go home.  We discussed that I was anxious that my membranes not be broken during the examination.  She examined me at 7am and was very gentle.  She found I was 3cm but was even more sure that things would suddenly start.  She suggested that I lay down and did some more hypno.

At some point we’d texted Zoe, the friend that had agreed to take Ferdinand to her house, and she was getting herself sorted.  Dev had rung Emma (a doula) who was on her way over and Bethany had rung the second Midwife, Clare, and the day midwife (due to take over at 8), Irena.  At about 06.30 Ferdinand had woken up as usual and Dev had gone and got him dressed.  I was fairly oblivious to everything that thing were happening by this time and everyone was just doing what needed to be done.

At 7.10am I suddenly decided I wanted to go downstairs.   When I stood up I found that I had to wait until the contraction had passed before walking, although they still weren’t bad or painful, and I had to dash downstairs as I didn’t want to have one on the stairs.  By the time I got down stairs I was adamant I wanted to get in the pool immediately as things had suddenly become much more intense. Painful is the wrong word, I just needed to really focus.  Unfortunately, Dev had filled the pool with very hot water (thinking that it could just cool and would probably be exactly the right temperature by the time I wanted to get in!), consequently the midwives were taking buckets of water out of the pool and adding cold.....It was infuriating that it was too hot!  I knelt leaning on a table; then the gas and air arrived (and I started using it); Emma arrived (and I asked her to just PLEASE get the temperature in the pool cooler so I could get in); Clare arrived and Zoe walked in immediately after her, followed by Irena.  Zoe started getting Ferdinand’s stuff together and the pool got to the right temperature (it was a hectic few minutes).  I then told the midwives that I wanted to put my bikini bottoms on.  Bethany questioned this and asked if I meant bikini top.  I explained no, I meant bottoms and that I realised this was odd but to make it even odder I was going to the loo to put them on as I didn’t want anyone to see my ‘bits’.  The midwives laughed and asked if I knew what was going to happen but I was adamant.  I still don’t know why!

I went to the loo, put my bikini on and came back and got straight in the pool.  I promptly started crying very quietly.  I have no idea why, I wasn’t sad, I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t particularly relieved, and I was just crying and could do nothing about it.  I didn’t think anyone had noticed until Emma gave me a tissue and then as suddenly as it had started, I stopped crying.

Ferdinand came in to say goodbye (he’d decided he wanted to go to Zoe’s house rather than stay mainly because she had said he could watch Pepper Pig which we never have on!).  He asked if he could get in the pool with me but when we said no he decided he’d stick to his plan and go.  He gave
me a hug and a kiss and skipped off down the road with Zoe.

Then things all calmed down.  Dev had put the fairly lights in the sitting room and they were on.  My hypno music was playing, the curtains were drawn and it was lovely.  Dev was still doing jobs (like
getting people tea) which is one of his coping mechanisms and it was driving me potty as I just wanted him there with me, so I asked him to get in the pool with me which he did.  I think I spent most of the rest of the time with my arms round his neck, leaning on him with my head over his shoulder and the gas and air there.

Emma was regularly there between contractions with a drink and a straw and the midwives listened in to the baby between each contraction.  Clare dropped the Doppler in the pool at one point and it stopped working but they had a spare.  The pool was so big (because I had the larger one because I’m tall) that Clare couldn’t always reach me to hear the baby’s heart so I’d have to shuffle over to her. At one point it was just too much hassle so I took the probe off her and stuck it on my tummy myself so I didn’t have to move, by luck I got it in the right place!

Emma took loads of photos but we also had an old phone (with no sim card) set up on the mantel piece with a time lapse app which took a photo every minute.  You can’t see any of the ‘business end’ or much detail but it gives a lovely summary of the comings, goings and happenings (there’s even a lovely picture of Ferdinand saying goodbye to me).  No one took any notice of it which is lovely.

At one point the gas and air ran out but they had a spare cylinder and quickly changed it over and called for more (which arrived just after Sarah was born).

Bethany left at about 8 because she had to go and get some sleep as she was working another shift that afternoon but Clare asked if I wanted her to stay.  I said I didn’t mind and she kindly stayed on with Irena rather than call another midwife out.

At some point I realised that I could feel the baby moving down inside me and that my body was pushing her out.  There was nothing at all I could do about it, it was just happening but I remember thinking that no one knew it was happening; no one knew the baby was coming and that my body was pushing her out all by itself.  I actually thought ‘I know something you don’t know!’.  It made me feel so in control.  I felt powerful, beautiful (I’ve seen the photos.... I didn’t look it) and amazing.

Eventually it did become evident to everyone that I was pushing, I just needed to sort of growl I think.  I said to Dev to remind me not to push (because with hypnobirthing you don’t ‘push’, you
‘breathe the baby down’) as the urge was so strong I couldn’t help it.  I remember Irena not really understanding what I meant and saying ‘don’t be daft woman, push!’  At one point I felt a sort of pop (I actually thought some part of me had torn) but Irena told me it was my waters going (about 3 minutes before Sarah was born.).

Then there was the ring of fire!  I remember saying to Irena, ‘it’s crowning isn’t it?’ and Dev tells me Irena’s face was an absolute picture as she thought the baby wasn’t really crowning but didn’t want to disappoint/scare me.  She ended up saying ‘well, nearly, getting there’ or something.  A couple of contractions later I said she’s coming and again Irena said something like ‘we’re getting there’.  I
remember saying to Dev, ‘the baby will be here with the next one’.  I just couldn’t fight the urge to push. It was so strong there was nothing on this planet that was going to keep that baby in there.

Apparently (from what they could see on the mirror) she really went from not really crowning to being out in one push.

The contraction came and I leant back (off Dev) and at 9.15am she came up in front of me and I lifted her out of the water.  Dev was next to me.  It was totally mind blowing.  I was just amazed.

She was very purple (because of the speed).  There was a little bleeding and I think Irena was worried I may have torn badly because of the speed so asked me to get out (in the end I had a little 2nd degree tear that she  stitched in my bedroom with the gas and air after a shower).  I lay on the sofa and cuddled Sarah for a while, I tried to feed but she didn’t fancy it immediately.  Eventually I began to feel uncomfortable (just the wrong position) so Dev cut the cord and I passed the baby to Clare so I could stand up.  I knelt down by the sofa and Irena said she wanted to talk about options as the placenta hadn’t come and it had been almost an hour.  Before she could start talking I felt the urge to push again and the placenta was out.  Clare weighed and measured Sarah (4.4kg and 59cm!) and then gave her back.

We then had champagne and bacon butties made by Emma.  Then I went upstairs for a lovely hot shower (Irena stayed with me as I like it really hot!) and when I got out Dev was in our room, on the bed, with dimmed lights, and Sarah in his arms.  Irena then told me that there had been meconium in my waters (old, the same as when I had had Ferdinand) and that this meant protocol said I should go to hospital to be monitored.  She also said that she knew this was one of my fears and that she had been watching Sarah closely and was happy that she was fine.  We agreed that we would keep watching her and Irena would return that evening and in the morning to recheck Sarah’s observations (as from my experience with Ferdinand, this was more monitoring than he got!).

The pool was emptied down a drain outside the front door and when Dev popped out to show Emma where it was the neighbour (we live in a semi detached house) asked what we had had as she knew the baby was born at 9.15am.  She said she hadn’t heard me, but there was a cheer when the baby was born!

We spent the next few hours in bed getting to know Sarah and feeding her.  Everything was tidied away and people left without us really noticing.  It was lovely.

At about 4pm we rang Zoe to see how Ferdinand was (we had already let her know the baby had arrived but she had volunteered to keep him a bit longer.).  Ferdinand heard Sarah cry on the phone and asked if that was his little brother or sister.  When he was told yes, he apparently literally jumped for joy and couldn’t get his shoes on quick enough to come and meet her.   Dev went to get him and I popped Sarah in her Moses basket so I could greet him.  He came in, totally ignored me and went straight to stroke her head.  Then he asked, ‘are you a girl? Are you OK? Can you talk yet?’ It was a brilliant moment that I will cherish forever.

Sarah was checked the next day and was fine.  We are very much enjoying being a family of 4.  I can’t recommend homebirth enough.  I would do it again tomorrow and the only thing I’d change is that it was over a bit too quickly!!!

My wonder baby

It wasn't anywhere near as fast as it was expected to be after my previous experiences (4 hours for my first baby, also born at home, <1hr 15mins for my twins following induction by breaking my waters at hospital). 

I started getting contractions at about 9pm on Sunday 6/9/15; the on call home birth midwife, CG, got to me about 12:30am Monday 7/9/15; I got in the pool about 3am; pushing from about 4:15am (according to my notes - if I'm honest timings are a bit blurry!); & she was born into the water at 4:40am. I caught her & my husband cut the cord. 

As with my previous water birth, she didn't cry at all & was/is incredibly calm. She got 9/9 for APGAR. 

The labour was probably my easiest, but the birth was my hardest by far, at 8lb 3oz, she is my biggest baby by almost 1lb - I'm guessing that's why! Still managed it all with just the water for pain relief though, combined with skills learned at pregnancy yoga/natal hypnotherapy. 

After her birth, I really struggled for about 1.5 hours, & the midwife was considering transferring me to hospital, but thankfully I started to get it together. I needed stitches again, for a 2nd degree tear. 

We'd had no sleep though & I'd lost quite a bit of blood so was a bit weak & pathetic on Monday, however my wonder baby let me get 7+ hours sleep both nights since, so I've been like a different person since yesterday morning.

With me every step of the way

Baby T 10/3/15 8lbs7 7oz...

I contacted the Home Birth Team at Birmingham  Women’s Hospital early on in my pregnancy and Jo came to complete my ‘booking forms’ so I didn’t even need to visit my grumpy GP! The dedicated team meant that all my antenatal appointments were done at home where I saw the same midwife, Jo who built an excellent loving and supportive bond with me and my family. This was extremely important to me and gave me confidence as I felt listened to and built such trust in her care.

I re-joined Paula’s Pregnancy Yoga class, as I had done with my first pregnancy from around 14 weeks and loved how in control of my body it made me feel during this huge time of change. The breathing exercises were so beneficial in the moments I got to relax before the birth and I always enjoyed her talks about the physical processes of birth taking much confidence from the knowledge.

This time around I was also delighted to stumble across The Calm Birth School (an online hypnobirthing course) as was keen to try hypnobirthing but couldn't see any way attending a course would be possible with a toddler at home.

Tuesday 10th was a very normal day, my daughter went to nursery and I felt a strong urge to be really active, a walk in the morning and a longer one in the afternoon - I had loads of energy. Around 3pm i started to have period 'Pains', easy going but niggling.

I had a slight loss of blood, not a mucus show but just a bit of staining which I hadn't had before. I went to have a bath before dinner as I didn't know what to do with myself but ended up getting out pretty quickly as just wasn't settled. We ate dinner together, but I stood up through out. I'd had so many 'false starts' that none of this was particularly out of the ordinary. Having finished my food I left the table and walked into a quieter room where my waters went with a water balloon like Pop! 630pm…

After my bath I had decided to put on a maternity pad, perhaps thinking to keep an eye on the slight blood staining I'd had earlier - I'm glad I did! I called through to T ' my waters have gone I can't move!' and he appeared with a video camera to catch the excitement!! Poppy found it all highly amusing and delighted in her job of fetching a towel. T carried on and put Poppy to bed and immediately my surges started to roll through me. I quickly realised if I gave them my full concentration then they were easier to understand.

I left a message with the midwives and began to time a few of the gaps between surges as knew it was one of the questions they would ask, I was just writing numbers down as didn't have the space in my mind to listen to anything but my surges as they rolled. T came downstairs and I pointed at the numbers " they're lasting a min" he said, "yes but what's the gap?" Followed by something like Shit best get the pool filled! As they were 2 mins apart. I instantly had to zone in, out came the earphones to listen to the Hypnobirth tracks and up went the intensity of the surges.

I found my spot in the kitchen stood up at the end of the breakfast bar. I could be upright or rest over cushions, hands able to grip the sides and give me stability. Instantly the sound of Suzy's voice brought me my centre "hello my names Suzy ashworth..." !! And while the track played away in the background I kept visualising one of my affirmations in particular 'my surges are not more powerful than me, THEY ARE ME'. I knew I was in at the deep end and things were moving quickly....

I started to sing a bit of a whale song saying 'come on, come on' im not a singer! But it felt so soothing and calming in between surges and like I was passing the reassurance on to the baby. Fiona the midwife arrived at 7.50pm just as I started to roar my way through a surge. I heard her make an immediate phone call to the second midwife who must attend as the baby is born, and told her to come immediately which made me feel really strong. Finally I could get in the pool which was a true oh my god! Moment….

The warm water changed the sensation enough to relax my body and mind as the waves of the surges rolled through me. My affirmation was my anchor, the surges are me not bigger than me and at this point T was there to fill in the gaps. He told me Relax Surrender it's time to let go...

His words made all the difference and with that Fiona started to explain that with the next surge I would feel a burning sensation and this would be babies head. I reached down to feel the tiny head of thick hair and with a final surge and a rotation from the baby she was out slowly into the water. I held her there as she gazed up at us arms out stretched and alert in a beautiful underwater limbo land between birth and womb.

As she came up into my arms she was so peaceful and calm, we needed reassurance that she was breathing as she didn't bother with the distinctive newborn cry, just made a few whimpers! Time stood still and I couldn't take my eyes of her... perfect x

Unfortunately I had torn and was brought out of the pool eagerly by the midwives so that they could assess what needed to happen but they did it so thoughtfully so as not to disturb skin to skin or bonding with dad too. They diagnosed a 3rd degree tear which meant I needed to be seen in hospital but they consulted me and talked me through every decision we were jointly making so that I felt in control and perfectly happy.

Transfer was easier by ambulance and the midwives were happy for me to continue with uninterrupted skin to skin, tucking her in to my dressing gown rather than taking her off me or getting her dressed. So although a nights stay and an operation saw a strange 2nd side to my beautiful blissful labour, every move was made with me in mind and kept us all calm & relaxed.

Thank you BWH Home Birth Team, The Calm Birth School and Pregnancy Yoga Birmingham! You were with me every step of the way. xx

Such a chilled out baby

When I first discovered I was pregnant I can honestly say that I expected to be requesting all the pain relief possible & had I been told I needed a caesarean, worryingly, I imagine I’d have been pleased. However, at 14 weeks I joined Paula Sims’ Active Birth Yoga class & immediately started to change the way I thought about pregnancy and, more significantly, labour and birth, and was inspired by thoughts of the body’s ability to birth a baby as naturally as possible.

 

Post-birth, each person attending the yoga sessions re-visits the class, introduces their baby and tells their birth story. After hearing various women’s hospital birth stories, mostly entailing prolonged labours and medical intervention, I was really struck by one woman’s home birth experience: Becky’s labour had been comparatively short, she’d not used any form of pain relief and to put it plainly, she looked fantastic! It was so refreshing and inspirational to hear such a positive story and witness the evidence in her glowing appearance.

 

At home, I recounted the story to my husband, and was not surprised by his point blank refusal when I suggested that we consider a home birth also. Ollie immediately panicked at the thought of “what if something goes wrong; what if there’s an emergency...?” To allay his concerns I managed to persuade him to attend the Home Birth Support Group quarterly meeting with me: hearing the positive stories of other couples who had opted for a home birth (including naturally birthing babies over 11lb and a breech baby) had a phenomenal effect & having discussed his concerns with medical professionals, and other expectant/new fathers, and safe in the knowledge that if a problem were to arise, we could easily transfer to hospital, Ollie completely changed his mind and agreed to support me in having a home birth. He did have one proviso though - that we attend the Natal Hypnotherapy course, as I wouldn’t have the same access to pain relief with a home birth.

 

Throughout my pregnancy I continued to attend weekly yoga classes which greatly aided my physical and mental preparation for the birth, as well as equipped me with in-depth knowledge about labour, birth and good birthing techniques etc. My husband & I also attended the Natal Hypnotherapy course, which benefitted us both immensely, by preparing me for the birth and instilling in me a complete belief in my body’s ability to birth my baby naturally, and also in helping Ollie to understand the importance of the birth partner’s role.  In the weeks preceding my daughter’s birth, I listened to the Hypnotherapy CD daily and as a result was accustomed to sending myself into a state of deep relaxation and was genuinely excited about the birth. Any fears either I or Ollie may once have had, were completely dissipated as a result of the knowledge we equipped ourselves with in preparation for the home birth.

 

As for the birth itself, I really can't stress how perfect the experience was, and how fortunate we feel as a result:

 

·         My waters broke at 5am on Saturday 4^th July 2009

·         I had manageable contractions all morning & early afternoon

·         After taking a Caulophyllum tablet (a homeopathic remedy bought a few weeks beforehand which strengthens contractions) and going for a short walk at around 4pm, I was getting contractions every 4 mins

·         The 1st midwife, Mary Foggarty, came out to me at 5:30 – she was fantastic, really positive, supportive, and happy to let me maintain control over the birth. When Ollie asked if she needed to establish how dilated I was, her response was only if I wanted her to. We were both happy, however, to monitor the progress of the labour by the strength of my contractions and how I handled each. This was really empowering, and undoubtedly a result of the fact I was at home rather than in hospital

·         At about 6pm the midwife asked if I had a TENS machine & when I told her I had one, she suggested I put it on, although as I had left it so late into the labour, there wasn’t enough time for it to build intensity and be effective

·         I got into the birth pool that I’d bought from Birth Pool in a Box, at about 7pm and immediately went into 2nd stage. Getting into the water felt fantastic and I was amazed by the primal, innate, manner with which my body told me it was time to push, and how I went ‘inside myself’ – afterwards Ollie told me he & the midwife had been talking to me & it was almost as if I didn’t even realise they were there

·         The 2^nd midwife arrived at approximately 7:30pm, at the same time as the gas & air, but by which time the baby’s head was crowning. I attempted to use the Entonox for 2 or 3 contractions, however having already completed much of the labour without it, I felt that it was more of a distraction and didn’t use it again during the birth

·         Ollie delivered our baby girl, who we’ve named Boo, at 7:49pm. The whole experience was incredible and quite emotional for him. Boo was so chilled - her heart rate never faltered during the labour/birth; she was under the water with her eyes wide open as she was born & she didn't cry at all when Ollie brought her out of the water and passed her to me

·         I was expecting the midwives to take her out of the water (particularly as she didn’t cry) but they were happy to leave her in the water with me, allowing us to bond immediately. They scored her 10 for each APGAR assessment, confirming to us that she really was perfect!

·         Our birth experience was so straight forward and rapid, that the student midwife missed the birth itself entirely, however it was great to have her there for the 3^rd stage and afterwards

·         I hoped to deliver the placenta physiologically, however quite a bit of time had passed and I felt faint when asked to stand, so instead I agreed to have the injection to speed along the delivery

·         Unfortunately I had a 2^nd degree tear which required stitches; the suturing was completed on my sofa  & I definitely made use of the gas & air at this point!

·         Afterwards, I had a shower whilst the midwives kindly helped my husband to make our bed. I was in bed & sending picture texts of our perfect little girl to family/friends before midnight!

·         Boo’s fantastic home water birth experience definitely impacted positively on her as well as us; she’s such a chilled out baby. Both Ollie and I are complete advocates of home births and can’t speak highly enough of the benefits of birthing your baby in a positive, relaxed, home environment

Chalk and cheese - June, Birmingham

I have given birth twice, each time to a boy, each time the boy was a good weight and the labour started naturally approx. 24 hours after a sweep, each time the boy was in a back to back position and neither boy was on time, although D (no 2) was only 2 days late. That is where the comparisons end, and yet I approached each one with a similar attitude and disinclination towards pain relief.

Baby no 1 J was born 9lb 12oz (that’s right…) back to back after 33 hours. He was born screaming I would imagine, pulled, tugged, crunched by forceps, yanked into the bright lights of a delivery room one Saturday in October 2011. I say I imagine because I cannot remember. I remember bits. The bright lights, the pain, me shouting ‘You’re hurting him’.  I remember the panic, the feeling that my body had let me down, let him down; had failed us both. And the exhaustion. Not being able to hold him when we were back in the ward. Too tired to feed him. He was so tired he didn't even cry for food. Relief that he was too exhausted to want to feed. Just watching him in his little cot with the strangest mixed feelings... That was not what I’d expected. I loved him so much. In the weeks after the desperate love and guilt that he’d had such a terrible journey into the world affected our ability to breastfeed, even to bottle feed happily. I was finally able to relax when I weaned him. That’s that over with I felt. I never ever wanted to repeat the experience.

That’s not to say we didn’t want more children. Beautiful J; how could we not want more? As the months went by I gradually let go of the birth experience and we started trying. When we were booked in by a midwife and she said ‘Have you thought of a home birth?’ I was at first dismissive. But her words stayed with me ‘Don’t just assume you’re doomed to repeat the last labour and birth; second births are much easier. If you go into it in a positive mood you might give yourself an easier experience’

It was a nice idea. But my husband wouldn’t want to. My in laws would say I’m crazy. My mum would stress.

But it drew closer and it became clear that a home birth was something I kept being drawn to. It was the only way to guarantee a birth pool (but not a water birth), the only way to ensure consistency of care, and keep me far removed from epidurals and forceps. A tour of the hospital left me in no doubt that I did not want to go back.

It was official. The box was delivered, the midwife signed me off (after a scan to check he was not breech, as feared), the pool was bought and tested for leaks, the books read and digested, the date came and went. I went for my sweep. I was told I was 1cm dilated but nothing would happen soon unless I started spontaneously dilating, which seemed to her unlikely.

One and a half days later we put J to bed and I looked at my angel and knew someday soon an era would end. I served up dinner and had a bit of a tummy ache. We eat together and I told my husband afterwards about my tummy ache and when I felt my tummy it was rock hard. We watched some telly, feeling relaxed and knowing everything was in place. After a short while I started breathing through the contractions. This was it! With no idea of how long a night it might be my husband phoned J’s godmother to tell her she might need to collect him in the morning and we called the Home Birth phone number. This was especially for anyone going into labour in the evening, when the community midwives handed over to the hospital. The message said the number was not working. Not working?!!! A few more goes bore no result. We called Triage: engaged each time. Finally, in between contractions, switchboard put me through. They had to call me back. Contractions were getting stronger and about 30 seconds in length but 5 minutes apart (they actually never lasted any longer than 30-40 seconds usually). The midwife said no midwives were available. I protested. “You can talk to the head midwife if you want but there isn’t anyone available, we’re very busy; you’ll have to come in” she said grumpily. I told her I’d been assured they could juggle staff in this scenario and she needed to make it happen because I was having the baby at home and didn’t want to do so alone.

“Are you refusing to come in then?” I said: “Just do what you have to do!”

I hung up and felt desperate. Hubby said we’d just have to go in then. But 15 minutes later a midwife called Gemma called and said they were on their way. The relief! This turned out to be the only hiccouph in the process and the minute they arrived I relaxed. They were so calm and relaxed, smiley but not in your face. I just got on with my breathing and being on all fours (to turn the baby if he was still back to back). I’d done natal hypnotherapy and was nice and relaxed. Hubby brought a cold flannel for my shoulders: it was beautiful! He also made me laugh a few times and there was a calm happy air in the room as he filled up the birth pool.

After going to the loo for a wee they said they’d better investigate me to see how dilated I was. No one was in any real hurry. Suddenly as I lay down my waters broke. (I’d been so worried that this wouldn’t happen naturally, like the last time). Then the midwife said “Oh my god you’re 9 and a half cms dilated; you’re going to have your baby at any moment! You need to get in that pool otherwise your husband will kill me!” I took off my tens machine when I got up, relieved myself (oh the shame!) hobbled across the floor to the pool (wishing I’d kept the damn machine on – hardest hobble of my life), hopped in (all a blur), squatted, pushed and out came the head. The water was so helpful! As soon as I got in I knew I’d be ok. Another push and out he came, wriggling in my hands, covered in white gunk; perfect!

We spent another 40 minutes in there and then I delivered the placenta in the pool while they weighed him. Those 40 minutes were so lovely; me and my husband just basked in the warmth of it all. Delivering the placenta didn't hurt and the gas and air arrived as I was about to be stitched up (only minor) and I said I didn't need it.

I went to bed cradling my new baby I think it was 2 o'clock ish and my husband cleaned the pool out. He came to bed at 4am. The next morning he brought our toddler in when he woke up and we introduced him to his new baby brother.

Amazing J