The Birth of Sarah - Dad's view

This is the second of two stories. The first is the mummy's and the second is the daddy's.
Sarah was born on 2nd November  at 09.15 at home.

Sarah's mum - "Dev has just told me his ‘birth story’.  It’s somewhat shorter than mine and different and lovely."

Sarah's Dad - “I vividly remember Bethany arriving and her being lovely and friendly and reassuring and wanting a cup of tea which I made her.  I know Irena arrived at some point.  I remember you getting in the pool, or at least I think I do, maybe I’ve fabricated that.  I definitely remember you telling me off because I was trying to get everyone a drink and make sure they were OK and then you asked me to get in the pool so I got in.  Then I remember Irena saying you were doing well and calling you a ‘good woman’ which was a great expression.  I remember Emma made me a massive cup of tea and I remember thinking how chilled out this all was..... I was in the pool with a cup of tea and it was nice.

You asked to lean on me for a while and that was nice but I don’t know how long for.  And you had the gas and air but you didn’t seem to need it and I remember that you finished it and told them that it had run out but you didn’t really seem to need it.

Then I remember Irena looking in the water and saying that she could see the head and that surprised me because no one had said anything that made me think that that was about to happen and then I remember someone telling you to lean back so that the baby could come up and then you lent back and a baby appeared out of the water in front of you.  The water was fairly murky and I thought it was like primordial soup and that the baby was rising from the depths.  Then you picked her up and held her to you and cried.  I didn’t cry ‘because I’m all manly’!!  I remember she held my little finger though, and that made me cry, it still makes me very emotional.  I remember thinking she was grey.

I know I cut the cord but I don’t know when or where but it was easier than I expected and there were funny scissors.  I remember her being wrapped in a towel and I remember there was blood on the towel and I thought it would bother me but it didn’t and I cuddled her.

I think that’s about it.  I remember the emotion but not what happened.  I remember it was calm,
relaxed and joyful”

A dad's perspective

My wife and I have 3 children aged 8, 5 and 2. Our oldest was born in a birthing suite in Southmead Hospital, Bristol, and our younger two were both born at home in Cornwall and Birmingham respectively (we’ve travelled around a bit!).

First of all, I should say that our first childbirth experience was, in general, very good. The staff in the birthing suite were excellent and it was as stress-free an environment as a hospital can get. Having said that, I spent the early hours of my wife’s labour on a very uncomfortable mat trying to get a little sleep and, at the end of the day, we were in a hospital. That birth itself, was mostly trouble free. Perhaps unsurprisingly the problems only started after M was born. We were released from the hospital on the day of the birth – mother and baby both doing fine – but without a Doctor release as there was no-one available to sign us off. We were advised to return to the maternity ward the following day for the clinical checks.

Given that M was by that time 24 hours old, he was showing slight signs of jaundice (birth bruising, more likely) and was admitted to hospital. This was a truly horrible experience – our first child, brand new, was put in an incubator for 3 days when it was plainly obvious that what he needed was his parents.

So, birth good, post-birth care horrible. By the time our second child was due, we were living in a fairly rural part of Cornwall. In all honesty, this made our decision to have a home birth much easier (that, as well as living next door to a midwife!). The choices were that, Truro hospital, a good half hour’s drive away or a birthing centre in Helston – also half an hour away.

Given the geography of Cornwall, the medical system there was much better set up to support home births and it quickly became our preferred choice. And, looking back, it was absolutely the right thing to do.

I didn’t even realise it at the time, but simply being at home – being able to rest in our own bed, use our own kitchen – feeling in charge and in control – removed so much of the stress of our first birth. And this, I am sure, made N’s labour much easier as well.

When we phoned the hospital to advise them that N was going into labour, they sent a midwife out straight away, and a second arrived just as G was being born. Again, the midwife team was superb and the altered dynamic of us being in our own home made it feel like they were there to help and support us rather than boss us around.

A final point on our second child birth experience – I know that for N, being able to have a bath in her own bathroom straight after Gabriel arrived helped her to relax immensely and, once again, kept stress levels to a minimum. Also, going nowhere near a hospital environment meant that there was no likelihood of Gabriel ending up in hospital unnecessarily.

So, when we were expecting our third child, we had already decided that it would be another homebirth. Surprisingly, N was advised against that throughout her pregnancy – not on any medical grounds, but being much more savvy by now, we knew that our decision would be final.

Without going into all of the details of the third childbirth, the overall experience was very similar to our second. Relaxed, stress-free, we were in charge and the support from the midwives was excellent.

E was born on a very snowy night in the middle of January, and that was the only concern we had, really, that the midwife team wouldn’t be able to get to us – not that I was planning on driving anywhere in those conditions (we had even re-done the pre-natal classes as a refresher so I’d feel confident delivering the baby myself!).

Two things really stand out for me with regard to E’s birth. Firstly the utter shock and overwhelming joy at having a baby daughter and secondly, being able to wake the boys the following morning and introduce them to their new baby sister, in our own home, just the five of us. It was a truly special moment.

Overall, given my experience of having three children, all of whom are healthy and with mercifully no birth complications, I would whole-heartedly recommend and support giving birth at home. As a man, you don’t feel like a spare part, like you’re getting in the way and you can watch your own TV and make your own coffee while waiting for the “business end” of proceedings. Not dissimilar, I guess, to the way that women feel about giving birth at home.

A phrase I have heard at the home birth support group which really rings true for me is that hospitals are for sick people, so why go there if you’re not sick?

We didn’t bother with birthing pools or any other paraphernalia, our two youngest children were simply born in bedrooms at home in warm, cosy environments and never needed to visit hospitals where, let’s face it, they are more likely to pick up bugs and get ill!

The midwives who helped us to deliver G and E seemed to really get the best way to help a woman giving birth at home, taking more of a back seat, and were all lovely women to have met –
again, something that gets lost somewhat in a medical environment, I think.

I would recommend home births to any father-to-be and (not that we plan on having any more children!) would only go to hospital for child birth if it was ever entirely necessary.

Third child, first homebirth, very positive!

Here's my story, can't wait to hear some others!

As soon as it found out I was expecting our third baby I was really keen to have a home birth. My previous 2 daughters had been pretty straightforward in their arrivals with the second taking only 1 hour 20 mins to arrive in the world. My husband was a little unsure about the home birth experience but having had his mind well and truly put at rest by the wonderful home birth team we transferred under their care mid-way through my pregnancy. 

Now as I sit here writing this with my new daughter by my side I can honestly say being under the care of the home birth team was one of the best experiences I have had in the pre, during and post birth care.

Having had both my other daughters early when I started having more regular contractions for about an hour at 39 weeks I decided it was time to wake my husband up and call the midwife! We rang about 5.30am and by 6.15am the first midwife arrived, closely followed by the second. It was such a positive start to it all as along with our elder children we sat watching cbeebies and chatting about the excitement of our new family member arriving. One of our best friends had also joined us by this point to help look after A & I. Being at home meant I felt very relaxed so was happy to breath through contractions and chat to everyone while the midwives turned our loft bedroom into a tranquil haven of birth(!) and my husband had his tea making skills tested to the limit! Having seen our youngest daughter go off to nursery with friends (we decided to keep our eldest daughter at home as she had much more understanding of what was happening) and my contractions getting stronger I went upstairs with John to join the midwives and leave A and K to art and craft activities! I felt a bit nervous not having any vaginal examinations as to whether I would know when to push but in hindsight that was such a fantastically empowering feeling as was able to trust my body in knowing what to do and when. My contractions had become much more regular and intense but I felt really relaxed and able to cope with the pain and loved being in my own dimly lit bedroom. At around 8am I felt very tired and decided to kneel, leaning on the bed. After more contractions I clearly remember thinking I've had enough of this pain it's time to push the baby out- still wasn't sure if this was the right time or not as my previous two labours had started with my waters going and so far they were still intact! With the next contraction I gave a big push, my waters went and 30 seconds later T was born, with the midwife only able to put her gloves half on in time to catch her!

The midwives were so fantastic at clearing up really quickly so my daughters could come and join us and meet baby T. I will never forget the precious memory of us all eating toast and tea in bed only 45 minutes after her birth. I was then able to have a gorgeously long, hot shower in my own bathroom while T had cuddles with her big sister. The midwives stayed around for a couple of hours to make sure T was feeding ok and back to a good temperature. It was so lovely having them around to be part of our memories of that day. A was then keen to go to school so just 3 hours after her birth T had her first experience of the school run as we all went as a family to take A to school, something that could never have happened in a hospital environment.

As T will probably be our last family addition I am so glad she came into the world in such a positive and amazing way. My husband, who was so reticent to begin with, is now an ardent supporter of home birth and happy to chat through the concerns any other dads to be might have. It was nothing but a positive experience with I am so thankful to have had.