so....Thursday evening was my due date, I went to the theatre and spent some time with friends, and then to sleep. At 2.40 in the night I felt warm water so jumped out of bed and woke my husband A. I ran to toilet, there was more water coming. I rang the homebirth team, M was on call. She was a bit worried I had some blood coming and no contractions so sent me to check in triage. we arrived at Womens, and while we were walking low contractions started. we had to wait and wait there, and I felt so hot in that hospital and just wanted to take some comfortable position on my yoga ball. finally they took me in and attached me to monitor with two wires for half an hour. baby's heart beat was fine, and my contractions were now coming every 5min. nurse asked me to do vaginal exam, and that was so painful. she said I am 3cm open. we wanted to go home, but she said I have to talk to a doctor..
then one lady doctor came and I didnt like her approach at all. she said "I see you want homebirth, but I am not happy with your test and you are not in active labour". when I asked her to explain me why is she not happy, she said "what do you mean why am I not happy, I am just not happy." she then said I can stay attached to monitor and lie on the bed. No way! I was standing all half an hour and I wanted to kneel. she said I can walk to the door and back and in the morning they will do induction. I got really angry. I asked her to leave me with my husband to talk. I told him that I hate this room and bed and bright lights and that I don't want all of this, and I am mentally prepared for home birth and I just want to go home. So we signed papers that we are leaving and left. In the car I said "Ok, I will get my anger out in next two minutes and then I will start with positive thoughts again." he laughed while I was yelling how I don't like people treating me like that.
At home I felt much better, I had banana and yogurt, my music, essential oils and candles. I had contractions every five minutes and I was drawing my poster with positive thoughts and cervix opening in colours. I felt really positive and relaxed.
Midwife A was on call that day, she called me and she was listening my breathing and contractions. she came very soon with Midwife K, I don't even know what time it was, maybe 9 in the morning. during all of this, I lost sense of time.
My husband made tea, we were eating biscuites and joking but every now and then I had another contraction. it was amazing to experience how nature is completely taking control over my mind and body, and I just had to surrender. The pain was like stronger period pain, and now I am so grateful I had painful periods my whole life cause it prepared me for giving birth. I was breathing on all fours and making that "horse sound" with my lips, that helped a lot. my husband was holding me and whispering in my ears. during last month of my pregnancy I made him practice labor massage, but now I just didnt want any touch on my back. I prefered gentle stroke on my hair, that was like little distraction.
The contractions became stronger and stronger, with no breaks to rest. I asked for my song that I was singing every morning after yoga and breathing, I was singing in labor and again that helped. When I thought I can't make it, I would look in A's eyes and at Midwife A's smile. Her smile was the most encouraging thing, and she always said "you are doing so great, you are doing so good."
I was very hungry, but felt too sick to eat. Because I was loosing energy, they gave me food, but then I vomited. Again, after contraction was gone, the pain was gone again and I again felt hungry. very strange feeling. :-)
Then the need for pushing came, I just felt it like big need to empty my bowls. I felt a bit ashamed, but I told that to Midwife A and she told me not to worry. she called another midwife.
All 3 of them were so unobtrusive, but I felt their presence. They were checking babies heart beat and my pulse, but I felt I am going in my head in some other world and that feeling was so powerful.
Only problem was that this need for push would come and go. and then I had to wait for it to come again. and that waiting was bad. I just wanted to push him out, I could feel his head coming down and then after the need was gone, his head would go up again.. I was becoming impatient and stressed, thinking 'what is wrong?'. I didn't like the breaks. Midwife A was suggesting change of position, so I went from kneeling on all fours in my husband's lap to standing. A was reading me affirmations from hypnobirthing and that also helped. Midwife A gave me a little mirror so I was able to see his head and even touch it.
In the end, I gave birth on my left side, Midwife A was holding my leg so that I can push. He came out and started crying immediately. Midwife A put him on my breast and he started sucking my nipple. it was amazing feeling. A was stroking him and I just felt all the pain is gone. he was born at 2.40, exactly 12 hours after my water broke. he was 4kilos, everybody was surprised he is such a big baby, cause my belly was small. I was so happy to be surrounded by love and peace.
Finally I was able to eat so I enjoyed my jaffa cakes and just looking at our baby. I knew that third stage is coming, but I didnt feel any need to push anymore. It all felt to me like 10min, but later on they said it was 40 minutes. I saw Alice is worried, although she turned her face into smile every time I looked at her. She was trying to put me in better position, but my knees were shaking. A cut the cord, placenta came only half and she gave me some syntocin, she was pulling placenta slowly, and a lot of blood came with it. She had to do two stitches, she gave me an injection, but I was just breathing and looking at the baby. It all looked fine and I was very positive and full of love.
Sadly, seems like I was still bleeding and suddenly I heard music in my head and started fainting. They called me and Midwife A said we should call the ambulance. My husband got scared cause my face was yellow. But I kept on smiling and holding my baby and that was only important.
I just remember I was very hungry and very cold, but no negative feeling or fear. The ambulance came, they were all lovely, they took me in the van but allowed me to hold the baby during the whole journey. Midwife A was with me, we were talking and I felt safe because of her positive attitude.
In hospital they gave me gas and air to do the vaginal examination. that was so painful and horrible. I felt like I am on drugs, not aware of things, but I could still feel the pain. I started laughing and yelling, and I was just repeating how glad I am I didnt take any drugs during giving birth cause I wanted to be aware of every sensation.
I was also repeating how bad it would be for me if I had to give birth in that room with bright lights and that hospital smell.
So....in the end....we spent the night in the hospital, I had two amazing nurses checking me all the time and answering all of my questions. I was hungry all the time, but they didnt allow me to eat, just in case I bled more. They gave me a transfusion. The positive thing was that my husband was with me in private room all night and baby S was with us, we were both holding him skin to skin, and he was eating colostrum. In the morning they let me eat and I had shower. I was transferd on the ward (I just wanted to escape from that place). Luckily, I was able to leave before bed time. I had lots of pain down, but knew I just need some sleep (and the ward was too hot and full of people).
One more thing I remember was how bad the food was - after all that pushing and bleeding I wanted some healthy warm meal and they gave us chips, beans and pies - not good for recovery and digestion.
I came home and had some soup. I was so grateful for everything that happened. and my baby was fine and healthy.
We are now getting used to the lack of sleep. I am breastfeeding and just lying next to him, observing every grimace he makes. I have to admit, I am falling in love.
that was my story :-) I am lucky I had positive experience of birth, although there were complications after, emotionally I felt great
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