A dad's perspective

My wife and I have 3 children aged 8, 5 and 2. Our oldest was born in a birthing suite in Southmead Hospital, Bristol, and our younger two were both born at home in Cornwall and Birmingham respectively (we’ve travelled around a bit!).

First of all, I should say that our first childbirth experience was, in general, very good. The staff in the birthing suite were excellent and it was as stress-free an environment as a hospital can get. Having said that, I spent the early hours of my wife’s labour on a very uncomfortable mat trying to get a little sleep and, at the end of the day, we were in a hospital. That birth itself, was mostly trouble free. Perhaps unsurprisingly the problems only started after M was born. We were released from the hospital on the day of the birth – mother and baby both doing fine – but without a Doctor release as there was no-one available to sign us off. We were advised to return to the maternity ward the following day for the clinical checks.

Given that M was by that time 24 hours old, he was showing slight signs of jaundice (birth bruising, more likely) and was admitted to hospital. This was a truly horrible experience – our first child, brand new, was put in an incubator for 3 days when it was plainly obvious that what he needed was his parents.

So, birth good, post-birth care horrible. By the time our second child was due, we were living in a fairly rural part of Cornwall. In all honesty, this made our decision to have a home birth much easier (that, as well as living next door to a midwife!). The choices were that, Truro hospital, a good half hour’s drive away or a birthing centre in Helston – also half an hour away.

Given the geography of Cornwall, the medical system there was much better set up to support home births and it quickly became our preferred choice. And, looking back, it was absolutely the right thing to do.

I didn’t even realise it at the time, but simply being at home – being able to rest in our own bed, use our own kitchen – feeling in charge and in control – removed so much of the stress of our first birth. And this, I am sure, made N’s labour much easier as well.

When we phoned the hospital to advise them that N was going into labour, they sent a midwife out straight away, and a second arrived just as G was being born. Again, the midwife team was superb and the altered dynamic of us being in our own home made it feel like they were there to help and support us rather than boss us around.

A final point on our second child birth experience – I know that for N, being able to have a bath in her own bathroom straight after Gabriel arrived helped her to relax immensely and, once again, kept stress levels to a minimum. Also, going nowhere near a hospital environment meant that there was no likelihood of Gabriel ending up in hospital unnecessarily.

So, when we were expecting our third child, we had already decided that it would be another homebirth. Surprisingly, N was advised against that throughout her pregnancy – not on any medical grounds, but being much more savvy by now, we knew that our decision would be final.

Without going into all of the details of the third childbirth, the overall experience was very similar to our second. Relaxed, stress-free, we were in charge and the support from the midwives was excellent.

E was born on a very snowy night in the middle of January, and that was the only concern we had, really, that the midwife team wouldn’t be able to get to us – not that I was planning on driving anywhere in those conditions (we had even re-done the pre-natal classes as a refresher so I’d feel confident delivering the baby myself!).

Two things really stand out for me with regard to E’s birth. Firstly the utter shock and overwhelming joy at having a baby daughter and secondly, being able to wake the boys the following morning and introduce them to their new baby sister, in our own home, just the five of us. It was a truly special moment.

Overall, given my experience of having three children, all of whom are healthy and with mercifully no birth complications, I would whole-heartedly recommend and support giving birth at home. As a man, you don’t feel like a spare part, like you’re getting in the way and you can watch your own TV and make your own coffee while waiting for the “business end” of proceedings. Not dissimilar, I guess, to the way that women feel about giving birth at home.

A phrase I have heard at the home birth support group which really rings true for me is that hospitals are for sick people, so why go there if you’re not sick?

We didn’t bother with birthing pools or any other paraphernalia, our two youngest children were simply born in bedrooms at home in warm, cosy environments and never needed to visit hospitals where, let’s face it, they are more likely to pick up bugs and get ill!

The midwives who helped us to deliver G and E seemed to really get the best way to help a woman giving birth at home, taking more of a back seat, and were all lovely women to have met –
again, something that gets lost somewhat in a medical environment, I think.

I would recommend home births to any father-to-be and (not that we plan on having any more children!) would only go to hospital for child birth if it was ever entirely necessary.

Third child, first homebirth, very positive!

Here's my story, can't wait to hear some others!

As soon as it found out I was expecting our third baby I was really keen to have a home birth. My previous 2 daughters had been pretty straightforward in their arrivals with the second taking only 1 hour 20 mins to arrive in the world. My husband was a little unsure about the home birth experience but having had his mind well and truly put at rest by the wonderful home birth team we transferred under their care mid-way through my pregnancy. 

Now as I sit here writing this with my new daughter by my side I can honestly say being under the care of the home birth team was one of the best experiences I have had in the pre, during and post birth care.

Having had both my other daughters early when I started having more regular contractions for about an hour at 39 weeks I decided it was time to wake my husband up and call the midwife! We rang about 5.30am and by 6.15am the first midwife arrived, closely followed by the second. It was such a positive start to it all as along with our elder children we sat watching cbeebies and chatting about the excitement of our new family member arriving. One of our best friends had also joined us by this point to help look after A & I. Being at home meant I felt very relaxed so was happy to breath through contractions and chat to everyone while the midwives turned our loft bedroom into a tranquil haven of birth(!) and my husband had his tea making skills tested to the limit! Having seen our youngest daughter go off to nursery with friends (we decided to keep our eldest daughter at home as she had much more understanding of what was happening) and my contractions getting stronger I went upstairs with John to join the midwives and leave A and K to art and craft activities! I felt a bit nervous not having any vaginal examinations as to whether I would know when to push but in hindsight that was such a fantastically empowering feeling as was able to trust my body in knowing what to do and when. My contractions had become much more regular and intense but I felt really relaxed and able to cope with the pain and loved being in my own dimly lit bedroom. At around 8am I felt very tired and decided to kneel, leaning on the bed. After more contractions I clearly remember thinking I've had enough of this pain it's time to push the baby out- still wasn't sure if this was the right time or not as my previous two labours had started with my waters going and so far they were still intact! With the next contraction I gave a big push, my waters went and 30 seconds later T was born, with the midwife only able to put her gloves half on in time to catch her!

The midwives were so fantastic at clearing up really quickly so my daughters could come and join us and meet baby T. I will never forget the precious memory of us all eating toast and tea in bed only 45 minutes after her birth. I was then able to have a gorgeously long, hot shower in my own bathroom while T had cuddles with her big sister. The midwives stayed around for a couple of hours to make sure T was feeding ok and back to a good temperature. It was so lovely having them around to be part of our memories of that day. A was then keen to go to school so just 3 hours after her birth T had her first experience of the school run as we all went as a family to take A to school, something that could never have happened in a hospital environment.

As T will probably be our last family addition I am so glad she came into the world in such a positive and amazing way. My husband, who was so reticent to begin with, is now an ardent supporter of home birth and happy to chat through the concerns any other dads to be might have. It was nothing but a positive experience with I am so thankful to have had.

Second baby born at home: the most incredible experience

Before I share my birth story I thought I’d just mention the experience I had with my first child, Arthur, who’s 3 ½ .

My waters broke – 10 days early – at around 9.00pm in Paula’s yoga class and I immediately had contractions every minute to two minutes. By 11pm I was 7-8cm dilated and we went to hospital. The midwives thought it would all be done and dusted within a few hours. But things slowed down – he was also back to back, which didn’t help. Arthur was eventually born after a 15-hour labour. I was prepped for a C-section (after ventouse didn’t work) but he was delivered with the assistance of Keillands forceps (BIG forceps). Despite the interventions, the whole experience was really positive. Excellent care from the Women’s Hospital. The worst bit was recovery (3rd degree tear and episiotomy).

This time round a friend who was training to be a midwife asked whether I had heard about the new home birth team. I had never even considered a home birth before. What I did know was that I did not want to be under the same community midwife, who had reduced me to tears twice in my previous pregnancy – she was abrupt and grumpy. So I thought about it, chatted to a friend who had had a home birth, read some stuff online, talked to my husband and decided to go for it. The end result was easily the most amazing and uplifting experience of my life.

While Arthur was 10 days early, this baby decided to make an appearance 9 days late. It turns out I had probably been in a latent phase of labour for a few days. On the Friday I had my fourth (!) sweep and was already 3-4cm dilated (they’re not comfortable, but fine – especially when you have them at home) and I went for an acupuncture session. On the Saturday I was VERY grumpy and emotional (not a great birthday for my husband, I think). I had had a lot of Braxton Hicks throughout the second half of this pregnancy, and by Sunday they were quite intense. I was sitting, rotating on my birth ball when the baby did a huge wriggle and twist and my waters went at 10.15pm. With a second ‘pop’ of waters my contractions started thick and fast – every couple of minutes. The tens machine proved to be excellent again until I got into the water. The midwives from the homebirth team arrived within 30 minutes and the race was on to send Arthur to stay with friends and to get the pool up and filled. Having gone upstairs to the bathroom, I managed to make it downstairs (just!) and the pool was set up just in the nick of time for me to get in. Can’t tell you how good the water was. Although the midwives had sent for the gas and air from the hospital (it gets sent over in a taxi) it didn’t arrive in time – turns out this was actually a good thing, as I felt far more in control and present without it. Hester I H was born in water, 2 hours and 10 minutes after my waters broke. Turns out that I was the first person to hold her, as Lauren (my midwife) didn’t actually touch her during the labour. She was born in the water and ‘swam’ up into my arms, where I was the first to see that she was a girl. She weighed a respectable 8llb 2oz. 

We stayed in the water for a while (with a welcome glass of champagne) and then the midwives helped me into the sitting room, where I was comfortably ensconced on the sofa and had the syntocin injection to deliver the placenta, and Lauren gave me local anaesthetic and stitched up my small 2nd degree tear – the gas and air had arrived by this stage, so I used this. Then we all sat around in the sitting room drinking tea and champagne, eating cake and admiring the baby. Afterwards, the midwives helped me upstairs to have a shower and then I went to bed. My midwife Lauren came back to visit me and did all of the post natal checks at home – we saw her most days for the first week. I can’t describe how amazing it was to have that continuity of care – from antenatal, to labour, to postnatal – all with the same fabulous midwife. 

Throughout my pregnancy I was aware that things might change and that I might need to go into hospital (and also if that needed to happen during labour, I’d be there within minutes) – that it worked out the way it did was just the most incredible experience. Richard, my husband, also said that the experience for him was markedly different to being in hospital – he felt much more empowered being in his own home. If you haven’t thought about a home birth, then do – particularly if it’s your second pregnancy and you know a bit more what to expect. The new home birth team are ALL totally brilliant and very lovely. I’m almost sorry that I won’t be doing it again.

I had been having twinges all week and everyday at some point I thought "this could be it!" But they never got into a rhythm that lasted longer than 2 or 3 hours.

Finally on Thursday morning at about 6 ish my waters broke and continued to trickle......I had a few twinges after that but again nothing began to establish, so after a very long walk at approx 12.30pm with the family, I decided to have a kip. I slept for about 2hrs and when I woke up the twinges had disappeared completely. I think they came back about 4 or 5 and began to get into a rhythm we started to time them although I knew it was early labour the sensations were getting stronger. I had been bouncing on my ball and staying upright and at around 10pm I called the midwife and she came out, she examined me and I was only 2cm dilated, so left. After that they eased off for a bit but at about 2am the sensations had increased in pressure and I was hoping to get into the pool (I'd completely forgot about my tens machine!). The midwife came out examined me again and I was still only 2-3cm arrghh!!!! So she went. Again the twinges decreased for a bit.

I was so disheartened, and cross with myself. At around 3am I sent my husband to bed as he'd been up as long as me and I knew he'd need his strength for later.

The feelings were strong but I knew they should be stronger, so I ate dates, after every date I had a contraction which was more powerful than the last and at around 4.45am I threw up, and that's when things started moving!!!! I woke my hubs and asked him to get the pool ready, I rang the midwife and told her I needed to get in the pool. She asked me to wait as she didn't want baby coming whilst she wasn't there. I waited as long as I could and at 7ish about 1min before she arrived I got in the pool, the pain eased immediately, at 8am she examined me but I was still only 2-3cm, at this point I was so disheartened I asked if I could go the hospital and have an epidural as I was knackered and it isn't called "labour" for nothing! It was decided that if things hadn't started to get going by 12pm I'd go in. I was offered gas & air and along with my hubs awesome sacral skills that eased things.

The next exam was at about 10ish and I was 4cm....WOOHOOO the magic number! At about 11am I had asked hubby to get in the pool, he was reluctant but I gave him no choice, I was getting urges to push I was examined and was 8cm so was told to breath thru by 11.30 I really needed to push I was examined again and told that if the midwife stayed where she was for the next contraction she could "fold the remaining cervix" over babys head, then I could let rip on the pushing front. Jeez, that was an experience, needless to say I asked if the midwife could remove herself from the position at this time! (In the back of my mind was my previous birth experience and that was not helping) I wanted to push but wanted to be entirely sure it was ok to do so, so I was holding off. The midwife suggested another exam and if this time, if needed, to be able to do the folding, at 12ish I agreed. A few min after, around 12.10pm my hubby got out the pool to use the loo, when the next contraction eased, by the time he got back she was half way in the world, he didn't miss the important bit! She was born at 12.19pm!

Sacral massage from the hubs, breathing correctly, and gas and air saved the day! 

There were times (lots) when I just wanted to give up, go to hospital and have drugs! but with my husband's and the midwive's encouragement, I stayed at home and birthed the way I wanted to.

I want to thank Paula's Pregnancy Yoga for the lessons she taught about breathing, being upright and moving,  and especially sacral massage!!!!

Sandy’s leisurely arrival

My waters broke on the Sunday morning about 7am, and contractions started, so we called the midwives, and filled the Pool. Both of my first 2 labours were about 7 hours in total from first twinges to baby's arrival, so I was confident that by early afternoon, I'd have my baby. However, by mid morning my contractions were stopping. I tried Caulophyllum (homeopathic remedy), and Clary Sage (aromatherapy oil), but nothing happened. I know that once your waters have broken, if you haven't produced a baby within 72 hours (protocol at this time), they want to get you into hospital to induce you, so I was very aware the clock was ticking... The next day, my midwife asked me if she should book me in for the induction on Wednesday. I told her I didn't want to think about that option, as I was trying to think positive. I needed her to say "Don't worry. This often happens. I'm sure your contractions will start again really soon." I knew about the 72 hour rule, but would have been unwilling to be induced, so I think she knew there would be a battle if it came to it, but fortunately it wasn't necessary anyway. She was also worried that my bump had shrunk, and requested that we go into hospital for a scan to check everything was OK. My waters had gone - I would have thought that should've explained it. But anyway, we felt it would be irresponsible to ignore her concern, so off we trotted to spend the afternoon at hospital - the last place I wanted to be at this point! The scan was fine, apart from the radiographer said I was showing as 164 weeks pregnant! And then she input something incorrectly, so that when we went to have the results analyzed, we were told the baby was breech, which fortunately I also knew was wrong.

On the way home from the hospital, I went for some Acupuncture to try to kick start contractions again. The acupuncturist was confident she would be able to stimulate contractions, but wasn’t sure if they would continue once the treatment had finished. But in actuality, I didn’t have any contractions even while she was treating me! I was desperately trying to stay positive, but did wonder whether the labour would start again on it’s own.

So we bought a pineapple (supposed to help induce labour), had a curry, and settled down to watch TV, sitting on my Birth Ball. About 8.45pm contractions finally returned. Yippee! After a while I got my TENS machine on, and got focused on my breathing. But around midnight I felt the contractions were easing off again, so I thought the best thing would be to take the TENS off, and get some sleep (not knowing how long things may be off or on for). But after about 2 hours I woke up as the contractions were too strong to sleep through, so I got the TENS machine back on, and got back on the Ball. By 2.30am, we thought we should probably call the midwife, who arrived just after 3.00am. As soon as she arrived I told her I wanted to get into the Pool (on the phone, the midwives had told me to wait until they arrived before I got in), so she took some details, measured my bump, and took the TENS off, as I was running to dive in. I told them I thought I was pretty close, and they agreed. I didn't have any internal examinations as my waters had broken, and didn't want to risk infection in case the labour stopped again. Mind you, by this point it was definitely passed the point of no return, but I was really pleased that the midwives didn't feel the need to do an internal. Jonnie got in the Pool with me, and it didn't take very long after that. In fact Sandy was born only about half an hour after the midwives arrived. I'd had minor tears with my previous deliveries, so I asked the more experienced midwife if she would help me deliver without tearing, which she did, and I didn't tear at all. I was amazed! It made such a huge difference to my recovery. Alexander was born under the water at 3.40am on Tuesday 5th December. I brought him to the surface, and we stayed in the water while he got used to life 'out here'. It was magical. We had fairy lights on, and music playing. Sandy was so chilled out - no crying. In fact he was so relaxed, the midwives were concerned he wasn’t breathing very well, and suggested cutting the cord. I asked if they thought it was a good idea to cut off his established oxygen supply if they had concerns that he wasn’t breathing very well with his lungs, and they agreed to leave it. After a while, they were happy he was breathing well on his own, so I asked if we could have some privacy to spend, just the three of us getting to know each other. They left us to it for about an hour in the dim light, having skin-to-skin contact with Sandy, while they sat in another room doing their paperwork. It was fantastic!

Un-planned home birth

Baby Lucas arrived at 6.30 yesterday morning. The day before, Tuesday, I was quite unwell, although without any pains, and went to the Women’s, where I was told I probably just had a stomach bug. Now I think it was more likely to be labour starting!

Anyway, I spent a good night, and my waters broke at 5.40am on Wednesday, almost without warning, although my midwife had been telling me for days that labour looked imminent! We called the hospital to expect us, had a quick shower, turn the TENS on (god, it was soooo helpful!) and by the time I finished dressing, at around 6.10-6.15am, I realised the baby was coming. My husband then called an ambulance. It took the paramedics about 10min to arrive, at which point I really felt I had to push - the lady paramedic who took charge of the situation didn’t even have time to take her coat off, as she could see the head already! She said I could push - three pushes and the baby was out!

The funny thing is that this all happened about 5 metres away from where my son was sleeping - and he didn’t wake up!! Eventually, he did, but I think it was more due to the 10 people helping us moving around than my screams, bless him. At least he didn’t witness any of the trauma!

Luckily, I delivered the placenta naturally about 25min later. Then, all the necessary arrangements were made to take me and Lucas to the hospital, where we were properly checked, I got stitched up (second degree tear, unsurprisingly!) and got confirmation that everything was fine. They weighed and measured Lucas - 9lb 15oz, and 6 hours later, they sent us home. Everything worked out fine, thank goodness.

It was obviously very intense and scary. For a while before the paramedics arrived, I really thought we would have to deliver the baby on our own. Luckily, professional help arrived in the nick of time.

So there you go, a perfect example that you cannot plan anything when it comes to birth and labour!! And also, that nature is actually pretty smart and your body can cope with pretty much anything!

A Big Baby Home Birth

It's been 5 years since my home birth now, but if you're interested...

I'd been under consultant care for a while as I had SPD and was on crutches for most of the pregnancy. I was measuring at "the top end of normal" (whatever that is) but the consultants miraculously were happy and put me back under midwife care. I hated hospitals and even the birthing centre didn't feel comfortable at all. In my mind, I was certain on a home birth from about 28 weeks.

On Sat 5th Jan, I was determined to get things going, so DH and I spent 3 hours shopping around the City Centre, me power walking everywhere. My constipation was still pretty bad so I was hoping it would help get something moving. We got home; I was shattered but no movement of any kind. So I juiced 2 pineapples and a mango (yum), and drank the lot in almost one go (2 pints!)

About an hour later I needed a wee, went and realised that I desperately needed a bm. I pushed so hard it hurt, but there was some success. At the same time, I bled a little and felt a strange kinda clicking in my pelvis every time I pushed.

Anyway, maybe ½ hour later at midnight, ctx kicked in. I couldn’t sleep through them and they were about 8mins apart. I woke up DH and he started to get the lounge and pool ready, knowing we should have enough time.

I was drinking like a fish and after about 2 hours went for yet another wee and lost my plug (very clear mucus, streaked only with bright red blood), ctx were approx. 5-6 mins and my word there was no question I was in labour by then. DH called the midwife but it was so icy outside that it was going to take her a while to get there. That wasn’t a problem though, I had my TENS machine when I was ready. At this point the ctx were just really uncomfortable but still didn’t hurt (mind over matter I think…)

The midwife arrived at around 3:45am, just after DH had finished getting the pool all set up and the whole of the lounge ready. There was plastic sheeting covering the whole floor, with loads of towels and old blankets. I asked MW to check me to see how far I was as ctx were so uncomfortable and I wanted to see if it was worth using the TENS yet. She couldn’t reach my cervix!! The examination was sooooo painful, but my cervix was completely posterior and no telling how dilated I was.

I thought stuff it, let’s go with TENS on low, which worked surprisingly well, with DH watching me to press the button for ctx so I wouldn’t have to worry about it. She checked me again about half an hour later approx 4:15am and I was roughly 3-4 cm – hooray!!! I could finally get in the pool. OMG sweet relief – it seemed to take away so much of the pain it was untrue. I was breathing steadily and concentrating so hard through every ctx, but it felt like nothing was happening – I couldn’t feel baby moving down or anything and was getting verrrrrrrry tired. The water was so warm and soothing but making me a little sleepier than before (I hadn’t slept since Friday night!!)

By 6:30am and 6½ hours of established labour, I became very close to thinking I was fighting a losing battle and started to beg for some kind of help. I kept apologising to DH saying I felt like I’d thrown all our hard work out the window by wanting to go in for an epi, but that I was just desperate for help. MW offered to check me again to make a decision – I was 6-7cm!!! I couldn’t believe I had made it that far and decided (with renewed vigour!!) that screw this – I was almost there and I knew I could do it. I started on the gas and air and could feel that I might just get to the end.

I soon hit transition – I don’t remember much about it, but DH and MW say it was very clear when I was there. I only remember doing weird things like trying to dry off the side of the pool (with a wet hand), and wondering why one of the lights on the ceiling was more yellow than the others (it wasn’t…) and instructing DH to stand in an exact spot at the side of the pool so I could go to him or move away as needed…it was very surreal but that’s all I remember of that.

I was micro-sleeping between ctx at this point; the “sleeps” felt like ½ hour each but DH tells me they were minutes if not seconds, before being woken by the next ctx. They eventually took the gas and air off me because I wasn’t using it, and pushing stage began

At 10:30am-ish I wanted to start pushing so MW checked me one last time and said she could easily feel Mocha’s head ‘right there’ (about 2cm inside. DH got in the pool and stood behind me, holding me up under my arms while I squatted in the water. The pushing was IMMENSE but the MW were fantastic, not touching me or interfering, using a torch and mirror to observe, telling me how to push past the Ring of Fire and get the head out. I reached down and could stroke the top of Mocha’s head and knew I was so close. DH got in the pool with me and held me up while I squatted and pushed – it was unreal, reaching down and feeling the head come out. Finally after an hour of much guided pushing, out came baby Mocha at 11:32am! Labour had lasted approx. 11½ hours. He was GORGEOUS, eyes open and alert, not crying, just gurgling out water, very peaceful. I was so surprised he was a boy! He’s called Noah F.

DH cut the cord and I got out for my natural 3rd stage which was great too. Unfortunately, no one had anticipated baby being quite so big, and I ended up with suspected 3rd degree tearing (hence the trip to hospital). While the MW was assessing me at home, I was out of it on gas and air, DH came back downstairs and announced his weight to me – 10lbs15oz!!!! I nearly had kittens on the spot (which probably would’ve been easier…) At hospital they kept us in because they were all so concerned with the size of Noah (by rights he should have gotten completely stuck with shoulder distortia), whether my SPD was going to be an issue and wanted to make sure he was feeding properly – it was a day before he decided he was going to latch on. Now he feeds like a pro

He’s eating and sleeping well, still trying to work out some kind of pattern, but he did well for his first night at home. I’m so proud of myself to be honest – we followed my entire birth plan to the letter, and even after ending up in hospital we got some of the best lactation help we could ask for.